And I managed to only light like three things on fire. So I count that as a success.
My sister was part of the wedding party so me and her boyfriend drove there together. It was cost-effective and also safety effective because I tend to injure myself and others when I drive.
However her boyfriend and I did not consult on what we were wearing before leaving. That is normal. It would have been weird if we did. I just kinda assumed that it would work out?
Alas, my hopes were in vain.
You're probably thinking that we wore, like, clashing colors or something? Like "haha, I was in lime green and he was in orange."
That was not the case because one) of course I didn't wear lime green, lime green is atrocious. And two) we went the other way. Like, so so so far the other way.
Somehow we managed to wear the exact same shade of blue. Like, if we went to the store and picked out matching outfits it could not have been more perfect.
It looked like we were going to prom. It was incredibly stupid.
But yeah, that happened.
The weather was good though, so that was nice. I was all worried it would rain and I would be waterlogged. Also, you know, the people who were getting married would also be waterlogged.
So everyone would have suffered.
But, no, the weather was good and no one was waterlogged.
I was super confused about the whole "turn and look at people as they come down the aisle." So, at one point, all the people in front of me had turned around and I had not and it felt distinctly like they were waiting for something...
They were waiting for me! To burst into song! And serenade them!
Haha, but really.
The bride was pretty, the ceremony was sweet and no one was serenaded or waterlogged.
And after that we went and did the whole reception thing. I've only been to one wedding before this one and I was like eleven at the time, so my memories of the whole thing aren't exactly clear.
I was unaware that alcohol and dancing were such big factors. It was like drunken, adult prom! I had my matching prom date and everything! We even had assigned seats.
There were fun little tables and there were fun little tea lights on the fun little tables, you know those mini candles that are used exclusively during weddings, Halloween and satanic rituals. You know.
But yeah, those were there. There were also fake rose petals, again the ones used in weddings and satanic rituals. So those two things were on the table.
And I had to wait like twelve whole minutes for food.
I'm not sure if I even need to tell this story. Like, I'm pretty that based on your knowledge of both the circumstances and me as a person, you can extrapolate what happened.
(I lit four petals on fire and burnt myself two times. Just...in case you were wondering about specifics)
It got worse (or better) as the night went on. Lots of shit got lit on fire. It was awesome. Five out of five stars, would recommend, will copy for my own wedding.
And then there was dancing. We all know how I feel about dancing. It is something that I think is cool. It is something that I would like to be able to do.
I want to be a good dancer. I also want to be dragon, to have a job and to be an Olympic figure skater. Preferably all at the same time.
Unfortunately, just because I want something doesn't mean i get to have it.
But I deserve like a participation ribbon for my efforts. Or one of those buttons that says "I tried."
Because I did dance. I also managed to injure the bride using only those dancing skills. So...two out of two.
I was doing my thing, usually finger guns and t-Rex arms, when my sister gave me a flying hug. Unfortunately, the bride was right behind me.
Long story short, I got bit in the back of the head and was legitimately worried that i had managed to break the bride, who is like the boss of the wedding, in the face.
Also a groomsman booty-bumped me so hard I have a butt-shaped bruise on my side and the groom stepped on my toes.
Why must people hurt me for doing what I love?
I'll admit, I was upstaged in the dancing arena. The bride and groom had some mad synchronized dancing skills. My sister managed to do a dance that was at least forty percent jumping. It was alarmingly peppy.
But, yeah, I went to a wedding and I didn't even ruin anything! I count that as a success.
Congrats to the lovely Mrs. and Mr. Wilson!
