Way-Stressing

So I bet you all have been intently curious about what I've been up to lately. That or you all forgot I exist.

If that's the case...then that's fair. I haven't posted in forever. It's just that I haven't really been doing anything note- ah, er-blog-worthy of late.

There's only so many times you can say "I didn't get the job" before that shit gets boring as well as depressing.

No, but I've interviewed and been turned down at a whole host of interesting places since graduation! Grocery stores, student loan collectors, 911 operators, two separate Starbucks, an Autism treatment center...and that is literally less than half the list.

I am not good at interviews.

I have a tendency to ramble and sometimes hit interviewers in the face with my over-enthusiastic hand-gestures. My life. Is. A. Struggle.

But, yeah. Since graduating, I've been chilling on my parents' couch like a stereotypical millennial and occasionally tutoring kids my dad sends my way.

I'm currently helping out two Japanese kids despite the fact that I speak no Japanese.

So...yeah. Been keeping busy. 

But two weeks ago, I finally gained employment of a more normal variety. I am now...drumroll pleeeease...employed! 

Yay!

Guess what it is guys, guess. 

Oh...you saw the title. 

And looked at my facebook.

Yeah. 

I'm waitressing. 

 So, like...it's not exactly meaningful work...but still! Work! Money! Leaving my home on occasion!

All good things!

I am actually the worst fit ever for my job. It involves knowing about sports, knowing about beer, knowing about spicy food and talking to strangers.

So

Yeah.

I fit in real well

And yes, there have been challenges. Understanding social cues has never been a strong point of mine and I now have to do that for hours at a time with no breaks. 

Making eye-contact is also a thing that I normally avoid that is now required. 

Also pretending that beer isn't gross. I have to do that and I feel so dishonest. 

But, anyway, now we come to the thing I like about waitressing...

The money that is now in my possession. 

Seriously. Waitressing is awesome so far as that goes. I've only been doing it sans-trainer for two days and I've made like 300 bucks.

I have enough money to buy a PS4. I have not been this happy since I graduated college. 

Literally all I am doing is bringing people food and now I have all of this money in my possesion. 

Do I have have health insurance? Probably not.

Do I have a place to stay that doesn't involve my parents? No. 

Have I found a way to use my sociology degree? Hahaha, no I have not. 

Do I have a five-year plan? Absolutely not!  

But what I do have is enough money to buy a PS4 and the potential to make enough money to buy several more PS4s. A whole fleet of PS4s. So. Many. PS4s. 

But, legit. I'll probably go back to school eventually or something, but for now...

I gonna continue to pretend to like beer and play lots of fun games of my shiny new PS4. 

Headed for a Wedding

So yesterday I went to a wedding. 

And I managed to only light like three things on fire. So I count that as a success. 

My sister was part of the wedding party so me and her boyfriend drove there together. It was cost-effective and also safety effective because I tend to injure myself and others when I drive.

However her boyfriend and I did not consult on what we were wearing before leaving. That is normal. It would have been weird if we did. I just kinda assumed that it would work out?

Alas, my hopes were in vain.

You're probably thinking that we wore, like, clashing colors or something? Like "haha, I was in lime green and he was in orange."

That was not the case because one) of course I didn't wear lime green, lime green is atrocious. And two) we went the other way. Like, so so so far the other way.

Somehow we managed to wear the exact same shade of blue. Like, if we went to the store and picked out matching outfits it could not have been more perfect.

It looked like we were going to prom. It was incredibly stupid.

But yeah, that happened. 

The weather was good though, so that was nice. I was all worried it would rain and I would be waterlogged. Also, you know, the people who were getting married would also be waterlogged. 

So everyone would have suffered. 

But, no, the weather was good and no one was waterlogged. 

I was super confused about the whole "turn and look at people as they come down the aisle." So, at one point, all the people in front of me had turned around and I had not and it felt distinctly like they were waiting for something...

They were waiting for me! To burst into song! And serenade them! 

Haha, but really. 

The bride was pretty, the ceremony was sweet and no one was serenaded or waterlogged. 

And after that we went and did the whole reception thing. I've only been to one wedding before this one and I was like eleven at the time, so my memories of the whole thing aren't exactly clear. 

I was unaware that alcohol and dancing were such big factors. It was like drunken, adult prom! I had my matching prom date and everything! We even had assigned seats. 

There were fun little tables and there were fun little tea lights on the fun little tables, you know those mini candles that are used exclusively during weddings, Halloween and satanic rituals. You know.

But yeah, those were there. There were also fake rose petals, again the ones used in weddings and satanic rituals. So those two things were on the table.

And I had to wait like twelve whole minutes for food.

I'm not sure if I even need to tell this story. Like, I'm pretty that based on your knowledge of both the circumstances and me as a person, you can extrapolate what happened.

(I lit four petals on fire and burnt myself two times. Just...in case you were wondering about specifics)

It got worse (or better) as the night went on. Lots of shit got lit on fire. It was awesome. Five out of five stars, would recommend, will copy for my own wedding.

And then there was dancing. We all know how I feel about dancing. It is something that I think is cool. It is something that I would like to be able to do.

I want to be a good dancer. I also want to be dragon, to have a job and to be an Olympic figure skater. Preferably all at the same time.

Unfortunately, just because I want something doesn't mean i get to have it.

But I deserve like a participation ribbon for my efforts. Or one of those buttons that says "I tried."

Because I did dance. I also managed to injure the bride using only those dancing skills. So...two out of two.

I was doing my thing, usually finger guns and t-Rex arms, when my sister gave me a flying hug. Unfortunately, the bride was right behind me.

Long story short, I got bit in the back of the head and was legitimately worried that i had managed to break the bride, who is like the boss of the wedding, in the face.

Also a groomsman booty-bumped me so hard I have a butt-shaped bruise on my side and the groom stepped on my toes.

Why must people hurt me for doing what I love? 

I'll admit, I was upstaged in the dancing arena. The bride and groom had some mad synchronized dancing skills. My sister managed to do a dance that was at least forty percent jumping. It was alarmingly peppy. 

But, yeah, I went to a wedding and I didn't even ruin anything! I count that as a success. 

Congrats to the lovely Mrs. and Mr. Wilson! 

There are Giant Birds and Everything is on Fire

Well, we're almost there. 

Two weeks until I graduate, people. I feel like that scene at the end of the Lord of the Rings (Extended directors cut, of course) where there are giant birds and everything is on fire and Frodo is just like...

"It's over. It's done" 

You know what I mean. And if you don't, you obviously haven't seen Lord of the Rings and need to rethink your life choices. 

But yeah, I'm almost officially graduated. I am, of course, a panicky mess right now with finals and everything, but soon I'll be a grown-up in like all senses of the word. 

Whhhhhhhaaaaatttttt. 

What do grown ups even do? I have to get a job, people. Like, what? What even is one of those? How do I acquire one? What am I even doing with my life? 

I am so confused and stressed. 

Yeah, no. For now the plan is to do the stereotypical millennial thing and crash on my parents' couch until I am physically forced to leave. I mean, I want to also get a job so I can go get money and stuff while hobo-ing in my parent's living room, but I don't want my own house and/or apartment rn. 

The last two years have kind of proved that I am mostly incapable of taking care of myself? I mean, I'm not dead, so that's something. But I also ended up with a sociology degree and an astronomical amount of debt, so. 

Win some, lose most. 

But, yeah, I have so much crap to do for classes right now. Sadly, my modus operandi has not changed. I am still chilling on the couch drinking wine coolers and watching netflix. The difference is that now I'm doing it in, like, a stressed way. 

But, no, leaving my school also means leaving my stir fry job. Ah, stir fry. The days that we've spent together, frolicking around and cooking noodles and whatnot. I will miss you and all of your saucy goodness. 

Seriously, though. Not stirring the fry is gonna be hella strange. I literally have callouses on my fingers from where I hold the spatula. 

I bet all of the football players will miss me terribly. Whoever they get to replace me will for sure suck by comparison. They could hire celebrity chef Guy Fieri and, still, I would not be able to be surpassed. 

I mean, a lot of that is because Guy Fieri is actually the worst, but still. I'm great at stir fry. 

I'm just so stressed right now, you guys. I've been sleeping way too much because if I sleep for eleven hours, that is eleven hours that I don't have to think about all of the homework and group projects that I'm not doing. 

Before this year, I was pretty sure I was eventually going to get a master's degree. This year has killed that dream. No, it didn't just kill it. It brutally murdered it and then shoved its corpse in my face and I was all "No, please! Just let this horrible nightmare end!" 

And that's college, basically. 

It's been more than four years since I started this dumb blog. I don't update regularly or anything, but still. Four years is a long time. Like, close to a fifth of my life. 

Ah, naive stupid four-years ago Danielle. If only I could reach through time, whisper words of advice in your ear and punch you in the stupid face. 

You spent all of your money on Fringe DVDs and food and also got shitty grades and picked out a terrible major. No, you picked like eight terrible majors. 

Ah, well. I'm sure four years from now Danielle will curse the stupid decisions that I will inevitably make in the future. 

Whatever, I'm just excited to finally be graduating and leaving stupid Muncie and my stupid flea-ridden apartment. (I mean, they're gone and everything, but what if they come back? Flea Apartment 2: The Re-Buggening) 

I suppose this is where I must leave you all. I have more wine coolers to drink, and like all responsible bloggers, I don't drink and blog. 

I'm Too Cold For Witty Titles

It's been a while.

I say that a lot. You know what? From now on, I'm not going to says "it's been a while." We're just all going to accept that it's been a while and we're going to move on from there. Good? Good.

Moving right along then. My snot froze this morning. It was the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of all time. It was like negative ten degrees out and I was literally unable to breathe because of the snot-cicles blocking my nostrils. I didn't even know something like that could happen.

I wore two pairs of pants and I couldn't feel my legs for like half an hour after I came inside. I'm pretty sure if someone stabbed me in the leg, I'd be all "oh, okay" instead screaming like you're supposed to do when you're stabbed. I assume. I wouldn't know. I haven't ever been stabbed. 

But yeah. It's cold. Like, obscenely, irrationally, stupidly cold. I even let someone drive me home from work last night. My phone was all "lol, it's negative a billion degrees outside" and I was all like "okay it's roughly between Hoth and the ninth circle of hell out there, pls drive me random work friend." 

Great story, I know. 

Winter break happened. It was fun. There were holidays. On New Years, I got drunk and played glow stick tag with my family because I'm one of the cool kids. Glow stick tag is the best game out there and I will physically fight anyone who disagrees with me. 

I got some sw33t l00t for Christmas. My dad got me a dagger. It's sharp and pointy and awesome and I stabbed by coffee table with it. I also got tickets to bacon fest (because that's a thing, apparently) and a lot of batman stuff. All in all, it was a successful Christmas. 

But now it's over. And I am back at school. 

Ugh. 

School. 

I did manage to do some clever scheduling that means I only have classes two days a week. Unfortunately, that also means my classes start at 8 in the morning. As in AM. As in, I have to wake up at 7 to get there on time. 

On a related note, I'm pretty sure my neighbors all hate me because I have to set like fifty alarms in order to wake up on time, My walls are soooo thin. I feel like my neighbors can hear me breathing sometimes. And now they all get to wake up at 7 with me. Yaaaaaay. 

But, no, I'm really almost done. Weird, right? I am almost a college-degree-having person. It's a stupid degree that's all useless and stuff, but still. Degree. It's progress. Maybe. It may be progress. 

I don't know what I'm doing next year. To get a graduate degree or not to get a graduate degree. The eternal question. Also, to pay back my students or to fake my own death. More important questions. 

Anyway. 

In other news, I shaved part of my head. Or, I paid someone else to do it. Because...me with a razor. Do I really need to elaborate on why that's a bad idea? 

But, yeah. That happened. It was a Tuesday...I was bored...it seemed like the thing to do. Shrug. I don't know. I feel like it will help me when I interview for adult-person jobs. 

So, if that sweetens the pot for any potential bosses out there. I have most of a sociology degree, a dagger, a half-shaved head and a can-do attitude. Hire me! 

Whatever. I'll figure it out. I usually figure this stuff out. Sometimes. I sometimes figure this stuff out. 

Yawn. 

I should go. 

Classes are a thing that are happening here in a minute. 

Laterz.