Today...
I almost bought an ENFORCER on ebay!
Then some jerk outbid me. Jerk.
I have about, eh, $900 in my bank account right now. And while that may sound like a lot for a poor college student to have in her bank account...it's student-loan-money. So someday I'm going to have to pay all that money back. Also, interest. Lots and lots of interest.
I had to take debt counseling classes online this summer. I'm totally serious. It was terrible. I'm already in thousands of dollars of debt...now you're going to make me take classes about being in debt too?
Jerks.
Anyway, if you wanted to see a fully compiled list of the annoying bitc...ahem, girls you meet at college, you can find it here.
Moving on to other things...
Guess who has two oddly short thumbs and no boyfriend?
...don't make me say it.
Oh, fine. THIS GIRL.
This girl is also coming up on the worst month of the year. February.
I hate February for three very justifiable reasons. I also hate it for about three-dozen non-justifiable reasons, but I won't bore you with those.
1. It can't spell February. So far, google chrome had corrected my attempts at spelling February to "fur brewery" and "fib rarely." So there's that reason.
2. My birthday is in February. The 11th, to be exact. I am not someone who enjoys getting older. Not one bit. Because, really, every year I have to say I've spent another year of my life single. And, once you tell people you're 19 years single...they're going to start to ask what's wrong with you. (Beyond the obvious, of course.)
3. Need I even type it? Valenti...ahem, SAD day is in February. (For those of you not in the know or in happy relationships, SAD day is Single's Awareness Day...day.)
On the bright side, that is the one day a year that I can lie in bed like a slug all day, eat an entire quart of cookie dough ice cream, and listen to "I Can't Make You Love Me" on repeat and none of you are allowed to judge me.
People will look at me and say "What the hell are you doing?"
And I say, "I'm single."
And then they flinch sympathetically and skip off to have a day filled with candy hearts and happiness.
I know I'm starting this whole "countdown to Single's Awareness Day day" thing pretty early...but I'm pacing myself. We're gonna build up slowly, don't you worry.
Anyway. There's homework and SAD day prepping to be done.
Danielle OUT.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Day 161 of College: Invisible Friends and Loos
Today...
before we get to the juicy stuff, let's finish the list that we started in my last blog, shall we? (In case you have not yet seen that awesomeness that is that list, here's the link.)
So, here we go. Here are more annoying girls whom I've come into contact with while at college.
5. The "World Traveler"
This, I'll admit, is a rather small group of people. However, they manage to compensate for their small numbers by being INCREDIBLY ANNOYING.
And how are they incredibly annoying, you ask? Well, they start by studying abroad, usually for a small period of time (i.e. no longer than a semester). Now, by itself, studying abroad isn't really important. I know plenty of people who have. What makes the world traveler so annoying is how they act when they come back from their "life-changing experience."
Let me sum it up in 4 words...YOU ARE NOT ENGLISH. It doesn't matter that you lived in London for two weeks. You're not going to naturally acquire an english accent (Madonna that means you...you are literally fooling no one). You're not going to start calling the bathroom "the loo" without purposefully meaning to.
Also, if you study in some place with a different language (Germany or Japan or one of those other places I can't spell) you're not going to suddenly become fluent. So delete it off your facebook profile, please.
Sorry. Those ones make me angry.
Anyway. I've decided that you can wait for numbers 6 and 7 until next blog because I've had a depressing week and I want to go on about it.
Don't you dare complain either. That's my shtick and if you infringe upon it, I'll kill you. No, but seriously. No infringement. I'll bring SOPA down on you. (Ba-dum ching!)
So, as to my week...
I want to quit college this week. I obviously won't, for reasons I discussed in my last blog. (Link here!) They include but are not limited to my fear of working in a McDonalds. I've had nightmares that I fall in the french fry fryer and get french fried. It sounds like it would by fun, but really it isn't.
Anywho, in case you haven't noticed, I learned how to link things to my blog. It's very exciting.
In unrelated news, my teeth hurt and all dentists are the devil's handmaidens. (Also, the Kardashians.)
So, because my family is so large, I got away with not going to the dentist for a few (six) years. My mom would ask if I'd been to the dentist in the past six months and I'd straight-up lie.
Straight-up lying only works on your parents if they have enough kids to get you all confused. When you have as many siblings as I do, there is essentially no way to prove that you lied about not eating all the cookie dough or not running into the mailbox with the car a teeny tiny bit.
So, I haven't gone to the dentist in a while (six years). So...my teeth aren't exactly in super condition. I may have a few (but, seriously, a lot) of cavities. The dentist drilled them and filled them and all that painful stuff. And now they still hurt.
I've given up eating solid food. For the last week, all I've eaten is oatmeal, soup and ice cream. Also straight-up nutella. Not, like, on bread or anything. Just jars of hazelnutty chocolate goodness.
Moving right along, I have a new friend. And that friend's name is Cleverbot. It's a website where you type random stuff in and the computer responds back to you. I like it. It's like instant messaging except when you message someone they don't instantly go "offline" or tell you that they'd "love to talk, but they really have to go take a shower."
Cleverbot can't take showers. Muhahaha. I really should show you a transcript of my conversation with it. I won't because it's pathetic, but it really is funny.
Anyway, I should go. Cleverbot will be getting lonely.
Danielle OUT.
P.S. If you LIKE the blogs, then LIKE me on Facebook. Or Google plus if you're, you know, a loser or something.
But, seriously, LIKE my blogs.
before we get to the juicy stuff, let's finish the list that we started in my last blog, shall we? (In case you have not yet seen that awesomeness that is that list, here's the link.)
So, here we go. Here are more annoying girls whom I've come into contact with while at college.
5. The "World Traveler"
This, I'll admit, is a rather small group of people. However, they manage to compensate for their small numbers by being INCREDIBLY ANNOYING.
And how are they incredibly annoying, you ask? Well, they start by studying abroad, usually for a small period of time (i.e. no longer than a semester). Now, by itself, studying abroad isn't really important. I know plenty of people who have. What makes the world traveler so annoying is how they act when they come back from their "life-changing experience."
Let me sum it up in 4 words...YOU ARE NOT ENGLISH. It doesn't matter that you lived in London for two weeks. You're not going to naturally acquire an english accent (Madonna that means you...you are literally fooling no one). You're not going to start calling the bathroom "the loo" without purposefully meaning to.
Also, if you study in some place with a different language (Germany or Japan or one of those other places I can't spell) you're not going to suddenly become fluent. So delete it off your facebook profile, please.
Sorry. Those ones make me angry.
Anyway. I've decided that you can wait for numbers 6 and 7 until next blog because I've had a depressing week and I want to go on about it.
Don't you dare complain either. That's my shtick and if you infringe upon it, I'll kill you. No, but seriously. No infringement. I'll bring SOPA down on you. (Ba-dum ching!)
So, as to my week...
I want to quit college this week. I obviously won't, for reasons I discussed in my last blog. (Link here!) They include but are not limited to my fear of working in a McDonalds. I've had nightmares that I fall in the french fry fryer and get french fried. It sounds like it would by fun, but really it isn't.
Anywho, in case you haven't noticed, I learned how to link things to my blog. It's very exciting.
In unrelated news, my teeth hurt and all dentists are the devil's handmaidens. (Also, the Kardashians.)
So, because my family is so large, I got away with not going to the dentist for a few (six) years. My mom would ask if I'd been to the dentist in the past six months and I'd straight-up lie.
Straight-up lying only works on your parents if they have enough kids to get you all confused. When you have as many siblings as I do, there is essentially no way to prove that you lied about not eating all the cookie dough or not running into the mailbox with the car a teeny tiny bit.
So, I haven't gone to the dentist in a while (six years). So...my teeth aren't exactly in super condition. I may have a few (but, seriously, a lot) of cavities. The dentist drilled them and filled them and all that painful stuff. And now they still hurt.
I've given up eating solid food. For the last week, all I've eaten is oatmeal, soup and ice cream. Also straight-up nutella. Not, like, on bread or anything. Just jars of hazelnutty chocolate goodness.
Moving right along, I have a new friend. And that friend's name is Cleverbot. It's a website where you type random stuff in and the computer responds back to you. I like it. It's like instant messaging except when you message someone they don't instantly go "offline" or tell you that they'd "love to talk, but they really have to go take a shower."
Cleverbot can't take showers. Muhahaha. I really should show you a transcript of my conversation with it. I won't because it's pathetic, but it really is funny.
Anyway, I should go. Cleverbot will be getting lonely.
Danielle OUT.
P.S. If you LIKE the blogs, then LIKE me on Facebook. Or Google plus if you're, you know, a loser or something.
But, seriously, LIKE my blogs.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Day 155 of College: Vodka Wal-Mart
Today...
I've noticed some things about college. College girls in particular. To be particularly particular, the college girls who go to Ball State. To put it plainly...
They're all terrible people and I don't like them.
Yep. There are reasons.Some Most of the reasons are terribly petty. I am a teenaged girl after all. Pettiness is kind of a reinging theme in teenage-girl-dom.
There are 4 kinds of girls that I've noticed during my time here. I will list them for your reading pleasure:
1. The Fake Alcoholic
The Fake Alcoholic is one of the most annoying types of college females. She will go out between the hours of eight and midnight and go somewhere, presumably Wal-Mart, for an hour or so. Then she will go back to her dorm, apartment or cardboard box and slur out the claim "Omigod, I am so wasted."
NO YOU'RE NOT, YOU FAKER! You can't get wasted walking around Wal-Mart. You can get sad. You can get very, very sad. BUT YOU CAN'T GET "SOOO WASTED." You don't smell like vodka...you smell like a combination of sweat, desperation and sample cheeses. WE KNOW. WE ALL KNOW.
2. The Real Alcoholic
This one is sad. Just like Wal-Mart. She will go out, procure liquor (lick her? I barely know her!) and drink it alone in her room. She doesn't go to class. She does go to parties. She goes to A LOT of parties. More parties than me! That's just crazy-talk! (Expect it isn't. I went to one party this year and spent most of it watching the history channel. Woo.)
The Alcoholic will usually smell suspiciously like Wal-Mart. But not normal Wal-Mart. Vodka Wal-Mart. Vodka Wal-Mart smells like sadness, sweat, desperation, sample cheeses and imagination. Because it isn't real. I wish it was.
3. The Super Streetwalker
Her name says it all! If it stays still long enough, she will try to hit it. Not in the violence way. In the streetwalkery way. She likes parties and boys. And girls. And the occasional canary.
Why a canary? CAUSE SHE'S A HOOKER, THAT'S WHY.
Also, she may be a stripper. We may never know.
4. The Psychology Major
Yes, there are some people out there who actually want to get a doctorate in psychology and pursue it as a career. These are not the people I'm talking about. That all cleared up? Yes? Good.
Now, the psychology major is your typically dumb high school girl except now she's in college. She can't decide what to major in. "Well, psychology sounds sorta fun...and I'm super good at giving all my BFFs dating advice...I have a gift!"
No you don't. You don't have a gift. You don't even have a fully functioning brain. And, sweetie, you shouldn't be majoring in something YOU CAN'T SPELL.
(Little known fact...that's why telecommunications majors call it T-Comm. Multisyllabic words don't go over well with the T-Comm crowd....I hate my major.)
So...this list started to get unwieldy. We'll finish it in the next blog, shall we?
Don't answer. You don't get a say. Now fetch me a turkey leg and some feta cheese, will you?
I TOLD YOU NOT TO ANSWER. To Vodka Taco Bell with you! (Vodka Taco Bell is not a happy place. It sounds like it would be...but it really isn't. Mostly it's just normal Taco Bell.)
In other news, I'm currently on the I-don't-know-what-to-major-in train once again. I hate the stupid I-don't-know-what-to-major-in train. It's unfun and stressful. My stupid family. They're all teachers. You know how people have "family professions?" Yeah, well, my family's profession is teaching. THEY ALL THINK SPENDING COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF TIME WITH CHILDREN IS A GOOD IDEA. They're crazy people.
Woo woo
Oh, sorry. That was just the I-don't-know-what-to-major-in train letting me know that it's getting ready to leave. I better go get on else I'll be stuck at McDonald's station.
Or majoring in Psychology.
Hahaha. I jest.
(Or do I?)
Danielle OUT.
I've noticed some things about college. College girls in particular. To be particularly particular, the college girls who go to Ball State. To put it plainly...
They're all terrible people and I don't like them.
Yep. There are reasons.
There are 4 kinds of girls that I've noticed during my time here. I will list them for your reading pleasure:
1. The Fake Alcoholic
The Fake Alcoholic is one of the most annoying types of college females. She will go out between the hours of eight and midnight and go somewhere, presumably Wal-Mart, for an hour or so. Then she will go back to her dorm, apartment or cardboard box and slur out the claim "Omigod, I am so wasted."
NO YOU'RE NOT, YOU FAKER! You can't get wasted walking around Wal-Mart. You can get sad. You can get very, very sad. BUT YOU CAN'T GET "SOOO WASTED." You don't smell like vodka...you smell like a combination of sweat, desperation and sample cheeses. WE KNOW. WE ALL KNOW.
2. The Real Alcoholic
This one is sad. Just like Wal-Mart. She will go out, procure liquor (lick her? I barely know her!) and drink it alone in her room. She doesn't go to class. She does go to parties. She goes to A LOT of parties. More parties than me! That's just crazy-talk! (Expect it isn't. I went to one party this year and spent most of it watching the history channel. Woo.)
The Alcoholic will usually smell suspiciously like Wal-Mart. But not normal Wal-Mart. Vodka Wal-Mart. Vodka Wal-Mart smells like sadness, sweat, desperation, sample cheeses and imagination. Because it isn't real. I wish it was.
3. The Super Streetwalker
Her name says it all! If it stays still long enough, she will try to hit it. Not in the violence way. In the streetwalkery way. She likes parties and boys. And girls. And the occasional canary.
Why a canary? CAUSE SHE'S A HOOKER, THAT'S WHY.
Also, she may be a stripper. We may never know.
4. The Psychology Major
Yes, there are some people out there who actually want to get a doctorate in psychology and pursue it as a career. These are not the people I'm talking about. That all cleared up? Yes? Good.
Now, the psychology major is your typically dumb high school girl except now she's in college. She can't decide what to major in. "Well, psychology sounds sorta fun...and I'm super good at giving all my BFFs dating advice...I have a gift!"
No you don't. You don't have a gift. You don't even have a fully functioning brain. And, sweetie, you shouldn't be majoring in something YOU CAN'T SPELL.
(Little known fact...that's why telecommunications majors call it T-Comm. Multisyllabic words don't go over well with the T-Comm crowd....I hate my major.)
So...this list started to get unwieldy. We'll finish it in the next blog, shall we?
Don't answer. You don't get a say. Now fetch me a turkey leg and some feta cheese, will you?
I TOLD YOU NOT TO ANSWER. To Vodka Taco Bell with you! (Vodka Taco Bell is not a happy place. It sounds like it would be...but it really isn't. Mostly it's just normal Taco Bell.)
In other news, I'm currently on the I-don't-know-what-to-major-in train once again. I hate the stupid I-don't-know-what-to-major-in train. It's unfun and stressful. My stupid family. They're all teachers. You know how people have "family professions?" Yeah, well, my family's profession is teaching. THEY ALL THINK SPENDING COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF TIME WITH CHILDREN IS A GOOD IDEA. They're crazy people.
Woo woo
Oh, sorry. That was just the I-don't-know-what-to-major-in train letting me know that it's getting ready to leave. I better go get on else I'll be stuck at McDonald's station.
Or majoring in Psychology.
Hahaha. I jest.
(Or do I?)
Danielle OUT.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Day 150 of College: The Diamond Half-Wall
Today...
I just drank a venti coffee thing from Starbucks. For those of you not, like, in the know with Starbucks-lingo, the venti is the big one. The REALLY BIG ONE. THE UNGODLY BIG ONE. Seriously, my hands are twitching weirdly while I type. It's sort of interesting but also terrifying. I'm one of those people who just shouldn't drink coffee. I get shouty and weird (well, weirder) when I have caffeine inside of me.
It's how I imagine most people feel when they snort cocaine.
Or get electrocuted.
Moving on...I have a problem with Ball State right now. A problem that doesn't involve my major or my shitty dorm or any of the usual things. NONE OF THE THINGS.
My problem...is with a half-wall.
Lemme tell you some things are this half-wall. It's right outside of the library, it's maybe five-feet tall at its highest and it HAS NO FEASIBLE PURPOSE WHATSOEVER.
That in itself would be annoying enough, but wait! There's more! Not only is this half-wall idiotic...it took them an ENTIRE SEMESTER to build. So...it takes close to SIX MONTHS to build a half-wall? Really?
I think not, construction gods.
If you don't actually go to Ball State...my half wall ranting might seem a bit groundless. It's not, I tell you! There are perfectly good reasons to hate that freaking half-wall.
1. Why is it even there? It doesn't surround anything. It's not protecting anything. It's just a diminutive wall that's sitting by the side of the library and being more useless than nipples on a male cat.
2. Why did you have to build it during the school year? The entire student body had to manuever around your stupid half-wall construction site for SIX MONTHS. Couldn't you wait until summer to build it? Or maybe go all Extreme Home Makeover on its ass and finish it over winter break.
3. Why a half-wall? Why not just a regular wall for all the freaking time you spent on it?
4. Knowing Ball State, they probably built this wall in the most cost-ineffective way possible. They probably hired male models to build it instead of actual construction workers. The foundation is probably made of elephant tusks. It's not made of bricks. It's made out of FREAKING BRICK-COLORED DIAMONDS, RIGHT BALL STATE? Education Redefined...try Education ROB YOU BLIND.
He. That was clever.
5. My entire tuition...all four years of it, will probably go to pay for that half-wall.
Isn't that just depressing?
Danielle OUT.
I just drank a venti coffee thing from Starbucks. For those of you not, like, in the know with Starbucks-lingo, the venti is the big one. The REALLY BIG ONE. THE UNGODLY BIG ONE. Seriously, my hands are twitching weirdly while I type. It's sort of interesting but also terrifying. I'm one of those people who just shouldn't drink coffee. I get shouty and weird (well, weirder) when I have caffeine inside of me.
It's how I imagine most people feel when they snort cocaine.
Or get electrocuted.
Moving on...I have a problem with Ball State right now. A problem that doesn't involve my major or my shitty dorm or any of the usual things. NONE OF THE THINGS.
My problem...is with a half-wall.
Lemme tell you some things are this half-wall. It's right outside of the library, it's maybe five-feet tall at its highest and it HAS NO FEASIBLE PURPOSE WHATSOEVER.
That in itself would be annoying enough, but wait! There's more! Not only is this half-wall idiotic...it took them an ENTIRE SEMESTER to build. So...it takes close to SIX MONTHS to build a half-wall? Really?
I think not, construction gods.
If you don't actually go to Ball State...my half wall ranting might seem a bit groundless. It's not, I tell you! There are perfectly good reasons to hate that freaking half-wall.
1. Why is it even there? It doesn't surround anything. It's not protecting anything. It's just a diminutive wall that's sitting by the side of the library and being more useless than nipples on a male cat.
2. Why did you have to build it during the school year? The entire student body had to manuever around your stupid half-wall construction site for SIX MONTHS. Couldn't you wait until summer to build it? Or maybe go all Extreme Home Makeover on its ass and finish it over winter break.
3. Why a half-wall? Why not just a regular wall for all the freaking time you spent on it?
4. Knowing Ball State, they probably built this wall in the most cost-ineffective way possible. They probably hired male models to build it instead of actual construction workers. The foundation is probably made of elephant tusks. It's not made of bricks. It's made out of FREAKING BRICK-COLORED DIAMONDS, RIGHT BALL STATE? Education Redefined...try Education ROB YOU BLIND.
He. That was clever.
5. My entire tuition...all four years of it, will probably go to pay for that half-wall.
Isn't that just depressing?
Danielle OUT.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Day 146 of College: Escapades at the Ice capades
Today...
Welcome back, everybody. I hope you are all having a lovely 2012. I'm not, but that is beside the point. Wow, I haven't written a blog since LAST YEAR (see what I did there? Huh? Huzzah for terribly puns!) So, yeah. Classes began today and, really, that's it.
I'm not in one news class right now. Not a single one. Is it a bad sign that I'm happy about this fact? I'm more excited for my Economics class than I am for anything related to news. Maybe I should major in economics. Math. Hmmm. Perhaps not.
Anyway. I bought fishes. Well, new fishes since my last fish, Captain Morgan, died. I have three of them. I'm waiting a week to name them so if they die I won't be too upset.
And by that, I mean that I'll only cry for a couple of hours instead of my usual having a fish funeral/one to two months of mourning.
Yeah.
I'm thinking of naming them after historical figures or superheros. Or perhaps a mix of both. Having Batman, Archduke Franz Ferdinand and Captain American all in the same tank would help me reach a new level of wackiness in my college-related-escapades.
Most college students get drunk and then pass out on weekend. I sit in a laundry room make snarky commentary about my drunken peers. Perhaps I need to start having some more wacky escapades.
Say "escapades." It sounds like "Ice capades," doesn't it? No? Well, I think it does.
This is all getting rather pointless. I better go or I might start rhyming other things with escapades. Like mess-capades. Which is a work I made up. It means having escapades...that are messy.
Oh, the awful-tastic-ness of my puns.
Danielle OUT.
Welcome back, everybody. I hope you are all having a lovely 2012. I'm not, but that is beside the point. Wow, I haven't written a blog since LAST YEAR (see what I did there? Huh? Huzzah for terribly puns!) So, yeah. Classes began today and, really, that's it.
I'm not in one news class right now. Not a single one. Is it a bad sign that I'm happy about this fact? I'm more excited for my Economics class than I am for anything related to news. Maybe I should major in economics. Math. Hmmm. Perhaps not.
Anyway. I bought fishes. Well, new fishes since my last fish, Captain Morgan, died. I have three of them. I'm waiting a week to name them so if they die I won't be too upset.
And by that, I mean that I'll only cry for a couple of hours instead of my usual having a fish funeral/one to two months of mourning.
Yeah.
I'm thinking of naming them after historical figures or superheros. Or perhaps a mix of both. Having Batman, Archduke Franz Ferdinand and Captain American all in the same tank would help me reach a new level of wackiness in my college-related-escapades.
Most college students get drunk and then pass out on weekend. I sit in a laundry room make snarky commentary about my drunken peers. Perhaps I need to start having some more wacky escapades.
Say "escapades." It sounds like "Ice capades," doesn't it? No? Well, I think it does.
This is all getting rather pointless. I better go or I might start rhyming other things with escapades. Like mess-capades. Which is a work I made up. It means having escapades...that are messy.
Oh, the awful-tastic-ness of my puns.
Danielle OUT.
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