Welcome to the Line Police

So I've been reading my old blogs lately. 

They really, really suck. I was terrible at writing and at attempting to be funny. Past Danielle is kind of a moron. A moron who spent too much money and left me in poverty. 

But, yeah. My old blogs. Are the worst. I mean, I'm not going to delete them because they're fascinating in a morbid and horrible kind of way. But, seriously. It is embarrassing to read them and think that, at one point, they were the product me actually trying my best. 

Ugh, past Danielle you financially irresponsibly moron. 

So I need to add a new part of my job title. 

In addition to being Danielle, stir fryer extraordinaire, I am now also Danielle, the line police. 

Let me explain. Yesterday at work, two of the football players came up at about the same time. I only had one skillet open. So, like the mature adults that they are, they both started bitching at me about being there first. I told them to figure it out themselves. I am a stir fry cook, not a line monitor. 

Five minutes later, they were still talking over each other and shoving like five-year-olds. It was stupid. 

I proposed rock-paper-scissors, but that was apparently too much of a game of chance. Eventually I just started cooking one of them and ignored the cries of dismay. 

It was so annoying! I don't get paid enough to stir fry, let alone to settle petty disputes among college aged people. And seriously, peeps, you can't decide who gets to go next?

You are supposed to be adults! You are supposed to be adults with at least some of a college education! My little brother who is six and terribly sarcastic has better manners than you! 

I got really, really angry. Like probably unreasonably angry. I may or may not have yelled that them that they were really pissing me off and they needed to act their age or leave. 

Customer service, oh yeah. 

But, no, it's been kind of simmering just under the surface for a while now, though. I've had to say the stupidest things during my work with the football players. A list for your perusal: 

"No, you can't touch that! It's raw meat, you idiot!" 

"Please stop dancing and take your food." 

"No, you can't touch that either! It will burn you!" 

"No, I'm not on the menu." 

"Yes the olive oil is extra virgin. Congratulations you got me to say virgin. Good job. Must be a quite an achievement for you." 

"I don't care if you're hungover, I can't make it cook faster." 

"I'm not going to take your order if you sing it at me," 

And that's just from, like, the last two weeks. I hate the football players. They suck. And are the worst. 

Ugh. 

But, outside of work everything is mostly fine. I'm still living off of ramen and canned vegetables, but I'm kind of getting used to it. You can make ramen fancier by adding vegetables. 

It's, like, poverty-shic. 

Today in my sociology of gender class the professor asked if anyone wasn't planning on getting married. I was the only one who raised my hand. In a class of like two-hundred people. It was really awkward because the professor asked me to explain why. 

Explaining the fact that I am antisocial and could not spend all of my time with one person without murdering them was kind of hard to explain. In, like, a sociologically relevant way. Also in a way that did not make me sound insane. 

Okay, I think that's a good note to leave on. 

Or, as good as it ever gets around here. 

Merry Homecoming

Happy Homecoming week, people. 

It's that time of year again. The time of year when people who care about school spirit get hella obnoxious and the rest of us get hella annoyed. 

No, I won't go to the game. No, you yelling at me to go to the game is not going to change my mind. In fact, it is likely going to do the opposite. I was 100% sure I wasn't going before. Now I would literally rather die than go to the stupid game. 

I make the football players stir fry every day. I don't need anymore time with them. We're good as is. 

But, yeah, homecoming. I am celebrating by, you know, going home. 

I hate campus during homecoming weekend. Everyone is loud and drunk and spirited. I mean, I would understand a little more if my school didn't suck. But,..my school does suck. So...what's the point, really? 

In other news, I've been living off of about $400 a month of late. I was supposed to get student loans. That did not happen. So I have been living off of the wages of my minimum wage job. It sucks.

My rent is more than my paycheck. So I have to beg money from people. Like a beggar. Or something. It is hella unfortunate. HELLA. UNFORTUNATE.

But, yeah, I've been eating a lot of peanut butter sandwiches and ramen because those two things are super cheap. Last year I ate salmon and coscous, the trendy foods of the upper middle class. Now I am languishing and suriving on canned corn that I bought last year for reasons I can't remember.

I can't buy anything I don't like 100% need.

Like, that includes textbooks. Being in college classes without textbooks for said college classes sucks. Granted, I think my school problems have more to do with me sitting here and blogging during lectures.

Ugh. Everything sucks lately.

Speaking of everything, the weather is getting cold again. Now, normally I would be annoyed with this. Cold weather means I have to wear real pants all the time and that my walk to work is now cold in addition to being mind-numbingly boring. But this year I am excited because cold weather means that all the bugs die.

And that no more bugs will try to make their homes in  my apartment. Yay for no more bugs in my apartment.

I hate bugs, 

Today, I got a quiz back in a class that I pay the opposite of attention in. I got an A on it and I have no idea how. The professor wrote "good job!" on it. I really wanted to do finger guns at him and say, "no, good job to you sir. you made a quiz that i was able to pass after paying no attention in your class. so...good job." 

Speaking of jobs, we've got a whole bunch of new kids starting at work lately. It's weird. Who starts a job in the middle of semester? I mean, what were you doing up until this point? Did you just now realize you needed a job? Did you get fired from some different job?

Anyway. It's an adjustment. I kind of like it because I get to tell other people what to do because I have been there longer and I know stuff. I don't like it because I am horrible at being in charge. It devolves into yelling and violence pretty quick. 

Some of the kids who've started at work seem cool. Some of them seem boring. Some of them seem awful. One of them came up to me yesterday and started telling me about how he trips on acid all of the time. 

It was, like, not prompted by anything at all. I was just leaning up against the counter and doing my stir fry shtick and he comes up and starts telling me about his drug usage. I was so confused. I was not wearing my "tell me about your illegal activities" shirt. I was not wearing my secret acid-user club pin. 

I am the worst person to tell your drug stories to. Seriously. I never know what people want from me. Usually I do a thumbs up. I'm not into the scene. I don't do drugs because I was in DARE and also because I assume that drugs are expensive? Probably? 

I'm a criminal justice major, sort of. I should probably know. 

Whatevs. I will continue to listen to the drug stories that are said at me and kind of shrug awkwardly in response to them. 

Okie doke then. 

Laterz. 

School Shopping AKA Blatant Thievery

I am so done with school guys.

I thought I was done before.

No. That was not being done. That was like being begun or something. 

It's just...look, I didn't school shop at all this year. The backpack I'm using is one that I literally stole from my dad's classroom. I have one notebook. It's the one that I've had since my freshman year of college and it has like a dozen pieces of paper left inside of it. I have one folder. I stole it from my mom's classroom. There are power rangers on it. I have three pens and they are all purple. 

I am not taking this very seriously. 

But, yeah, I'm not like failing out or anything. Which is legitimately surprising to me based on the amount of attention I pay in classes and the amount of effort I put into my school work. 

My GPA is honestly not that bad. 

I keep getting invited to presentations about grad school cause I'm apparently in the top percentile of my major. This is completely baffling to me. 

I made paper airplanes in class today instead of taking notes! I've just started texting people relentlessly in class whether they text me back or not! It turns into a dark and sometimes rhyming monologue after a while. Or is it a rap? Am I rapping? 

This is what you do to me, Ball State. I don't even know if I can rap and it's all your fault. 

Work is going...ehhhhhhh. Work is going. That's about it. 

I still don't have my loan money. So I'm paying my rent and stuff with the money I make at my minimum wage job. That I only work like twenty hours a week at. It sucks. It sucks a lot. 

Ugh. I just can't wait to graduate. And then to be poor and hungry and bored in some different place. But legit I'm probs gonna move home, work and do grad school online/at somewhere close to me. 

Yay. More school and poverty. 

In other news, I've started to watch Star Trek. I watched it a lot when I was really young and it didn't make any sense. Watching it now that I have, like, a good grasp on the English language has been easier. 

It's cheesy. The special effects are awful. The plots are predictable. The acting is funny when it isn't supposed to be. 

I LOVE IT. 

I think I'm getting nerdier and nerdier as I get older. It's a problem. 

Or maybe not. 

I don't care. 

I care at so few things at this point. 

Like this class I'm in right now. It's about globalization. It's been like eight weeks at this point. I am still unsure of what globalization actually is. 

Yaaaaaay.

So, Halloween is coming up. Halloween is my Favorite Holiday (it is Capitalized because it is Important). And now that I am 21 I can go to Halloween parties with alcohol! 

Getting drunk in my batman costume is on my list of Top Five Favorite Things to Do. I don't know what the other four are. They probably involve sleep, food, books and video games. Not necessarily in that order. 

But, yeah. That's what's going on with me. I am as much of an unfocused mess as I usually am. I'm just, like, more meta about it lately. Oh no. I'm becoming self-aware. 

Am I jumping the shark? 

Maybe. 

But I think we've established that I do not care.