27 Days until College: How to Get Tips at Work

Today...
     I worked. At the Custard Stand. Where I work. So, that was fun. No, not really actually. We were so NOT BUSY. 
    Being not busy at work totally sucks for me...mostly because I make less than minimum wage and, as I stated in my last blog, I'm stupid poor. So...tips are a good thing for me. So, by some highly complex and mathematical reasoning, I've deduced that fewer customers = fewer tips, and by that logic, fewer customers = sad/poor Danielle.
    But, anyway, I've become rather skilled at making customers (when I have them) give me their money. There are a few simple rules that, if you follow them, will make most customers tip you. 


Firstly, you have to smile at them. It doesn't matter if they're shouting at you and your ears are really starting to hurt. It doesn't matter if they have like fifty people who are all ordering dumb things like shakes with bananas, strawberries, peanut butter, almonds and M&M's in them. It doesn't matter if they pay you in entirely nickles. It doesn't even matter if they're Amish. YOU STILL HAVE TO SMILE AT THEM. 


Secondly, if they have a dog or a kid, you should compliment it. Tell them that it (the kid and/or dog) is super-cute or well-groomed or whatever you have to. Keep in mind...this strategy DOES NOT work for spouses. I repeat DO NOT attempt to tell someone that their spouse is super-cute or well-groomed. This does not go over well. Also, if the kid is over, say, eleven, they may attempt to give you their phone number...So, use this one with caution. 


Thirdly, don't swear angrily about the customer when you think the window might be closed. Yes, they may be a stupid bleep-bleep-bleep, but the window might be open. And the stupid bleep-bleep-bleep may just prove what a stupid bleep-bleeper they are and call your boss. And then tips are the least of your worries so...just don't. 


Fourthly, you should empty your tip jar every twenty minutes or so. This will make the customer feel bad for you, the poor, tipless employee. Also, you should do things to draw attention to the fact that it's empty, like, say knocking it over or throwing it at them. Maybe, if you're a poor Danielle...ahem, kid trying to pay for college, you could talk to them out your student loans or about how you don't have enough money for a computer just yet. 


So...use these four tips for making tips and you'll be about twenty-some-odd cents richer in no time! But, a word of caution first. Some people are dumb, stupid and cheap and they will not tip you. EVER. You could compliment their kids and their pets all day in a gentle, soothing voice as you make their incredibly large and complex order with a smile on your face and they will STILL NOT TIP YOU. When this happens, you are allowed to call them a bleep-bleep-bleep...but, make sure the windows are all closed. 


Danielle OUT.