An Epilogue or Something

Hello!

 It’s probably weird that I’m writing this, but I was reading all of my blogs last night because I remembered that “oh yeah, those are a thing that exists” and they made me laugh and also want to punch young Danielle in the face for all of her Terrible Choices. Ahhh, memories. But yes, I thought I would do an update brought to you by current, adult Danielle. 

Current Adult Danielle is doing pretty okay! I have an Adult Human job where I work for the State Health Department and write plans about what to do in the case of emergencies. 

I have a fancy badge and everything. It’s all very impressive.

 I make Adult Human money and use it to pay for my Adult Human car and food and video games and student loans. I’m still living with my parents, though. Partially because student loans are sucking my all of my money from me ala Dracula but also because I like my parents and societal expectations are stupid (I can definitely say this because I am a Working Professional with a Sociology Degree).

So yeah, I’m still in Fishers…which is…fine. I do think I’m the only person in Fishers who is a) between the ages of 20 and 30 and b) not a parent of a coupla little rascals. 

Oh! But don’t get me wrong, I do have a son now! Bet that surprised all of you, huh? He’s like, a dog-son and not an actual human son, but he’s perfect and I love him except for when he chews up all of my things. He ate one of my dragon mini-figures. I mourned. (ps. Mini-figure is a new word I have discovered that can be used when the words “doll” or “action figure” make people give you pitying looks because you are twenty-six, live in your parent’s basement still and have a dog-son instead of a real human son. Anyway.) 

Dog-son (whose name is Magnus) and I go on all kinds of fun adventures in the wilds of central Indiana.  Well, we actually only go on one type of adventure and that type of adventure is walks. Because Magnus is a dog, he cannot do other adventures like going to amusement parks or observing art at museums. And because Magnus is my only friend, I also cannot go on other adventures. But on the bright side, I’ve have trekked the majority of central Indiana. So…hooray?

Anyway, biiiig reason why I’m writing this is because I was on the Ball State Campus the other day (for the first time since I graduated and literally flipped off the entire campus as I drove away) and I had what is either a mid-, quarter- or third-life crisis depending on how long I actually, y’know, live. Anyway, all of the college children look SO YOUNG.

 I feel a million years old now. I feel like Ursula from the little mermaid when she got stabbed by a boat. I too am shrieking in defiance as I descend slowly into a raging sea…just, in my case it’s a metaphorical sea made out of my own tumultuous emotions, but like…whatever. I think the comparison holds up. 

Other than my Long Lost Youth, though, I don’t really miss college. I was, like, poor and sad all of the time and I only had one game console. Ha, what a loser I was. Now I have four game consoles! Suck it, past Danielle. 

I also now have work clothes that are not a stir fry-sauce stained apron, which is an improvement? Probably? I mean, I am supposed to wear fancy adulty shoes (aka heels and the like) which kinda sucks…I mean, I don’t wear them. I wear tennis shoes and keep my heels in my file cabinet in case of Work Shoe Emergencies. But, like, the fact that I had to go out and buy heels (in size 13, RIP me) is an injustice all on its own.

 I also own several pairs of work pants now. So…that’s exciting. Like, I was being sarcastic in that last sentence, but I am kind of unreasonably excited about my work pants because I found ones that look professional, but are make out of sweatpants-y material so they are majorly comf. I also found a work shirt with tiny dragons on it, so I look AMAZING, I assure you.

Yeah, as that last sentence proves, I’m still the same so far as my interests and hobbies go. But now I have a small amount of Disposable Income. So I can BUY COOL THINGS ON THE INTERNET like SHIRTS WITH TINY DRAGONS ON THEM and EXPENSIVE CRAFTING MATERIALS and HOLIDAY COLLARS FOR MY DOG. 

So yeah, things are good in the principality of me. 

I hope all of you loyal blog-readers are also out there living your best lives. Probably some of you don’t live with your parents and have children that aren’t dog-children! I, Danielle, am very proud of all of you. Anyway, I forgot how fun these suckers are to write…I might write more or ‘em, if the fancy strikes. 

Bye! 

(Wait, I used to say Danielle Out…I liked that, I thought it was catchy. So…Danielle Out.)