The Negative Effects of Mass Effect

In celebration of finals week, I've crafted this good old-fashioned video blog just for you! 

(don't tell the others)

Anyway, I hate finals. They suck and make me sad. I've been existing in a state of constant anxiety for the past like month. 

But instead of doing anything to relieve this anxiety like, I don't know, studying I've just been taking a lot very discouraged naps. 

Sigh. One day I'll be a fully functional and responsible adult. You'll see. You'll all see! 

Until then...have a video blog. 

A vlog, as it were. 

So, there's that for you. I would write more, but, you know...finals. 

(Protip: When you want to go play video games, but don't want to be rude, just say finals. Trust me.) 

Apocalypse Now?

So we all know how I'm currently the Queen of Awful Driving, yes? 

Yes. 

So, I'm pretty sure I'll be holding my title over into 2013...And how, you ask, am I pretty sure? Well, because I just did more awful driving! 

I can't drive in the snow, it's something I've known for a while now. From late November to early March, I've simple accepted that I shouldn't be on the roads. It usually works out awesome for everybody. 

But today was my younger brother's christmas festival...party...thing, so my parents asked me to go and be his replacement parent or whatever. I was like "yeah, okay, everyone already thinks I'm a teenage mother, so I don't really care." So everything was dandy and well. 

And then it snowed. And snowed. And snowed some more for good measure. So, I woke up and my family was gone and I was expected to drive. And I tried to drive. And guess how that ended? 

Badly. It ended badly. 

I got to the end of my street before trying to brake and spinning in two complete circles. And then a half-circle...so I ended up facing the complete wrong way. 

It was actually kind of impressive. I would have been pretty excited about it if I wasn't crying so hard. So...yeah. That happened. And then I drove a little further, panicked about hitting a house (I didn't, you know, hit a house. I just realized that hitting a house was a possibility.) and then stopped. 

I stopped and left my car on some random street in my neighborhood and then walked home.  And it was cold and there was snow and it was terrible. 

I wasn't wearing smart human shoes, either. I was wearing stupid moccasins that filled with snow in like two seconds. Pair those with the yoga pants and sweatshirt I was wearing and you have an awesome outfit for, like, early November. Not December. Not December with wind and snow and coldness. 

It sucked is basically what I'm saying. 

Still, I'm glad I didn't hit another car/a house/a pole/a roundabout. That would have sucked majorly. My ordeal only sucked minorly. 

Anyway, are you wondering what I have yet to mention the apocalypse? It's because I made a video about it this morning!!!!

(PS. It's kinda long...sorry. I said a lot of funny things, okay?) 

So, there's that. Gah...I'm still all panicky about my magic car spin thing. 

I should go lie down and not drive. Or retrive my car. Either of those two things. 

Whatever. May all of your drives be as snow-free as possible. 

Day 109 of College: I'm Faster than Usual

Today...


I would like to clear something up. I'm not dying, nor am I already dead. Okay. 


We're good. 


So, moving on. For those unlucky souls who are not my Facebook/real-life friends, you haven't heard about my lemonade-flavored escapades of this past week, have you?


Well, they're fun. And they involve hot boys and the hospital and me being generally uncomfortable. So...to start....


The hot boy. And the lemonade. It's a video...which I shall now embed...

So...there's that. 

But, moving on from my lemonade-soaked moccasins (they're still sticky, I swear) I also went to the hospital. AT ONE IN THE FREAKING MORNING. 

And let me just say, I think Web MD should be outlawed. Because Web MD freaked me the hell out. Cause when I put in my symptoms, Web MD told me I was having a freaking stroke. I'm an 18-year-old girl, Web MD. 18-year-old girls do not often have strokes. So, I went to the hospital at one in the freaking morning and got a CAT scan. Guess what? NO STROKE, WEB MD. 

Migrane-style-headache, check. No feeling in my left side, also check. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM HAVING A STROKE, WEB MD. 

So, that's where the Danielle-is-dead/dying rumors came in. Just to clear it up. 

Danielle Out. 

PS. I'm fine. Again, to clear it up. People have been calling my phone at very odd hours to make sure I'm not in a morgue. It's very sweet, yes, but it is also awful for my already fragile and tiny sleep schedule. 

Day Fifty-Four of College: Watch it. It's worth Ten Points.

Today...


I'm home. It's Homecoming Weekend at Ball State...so I came home. I thought it made sense. Very few others did. But I digress. Also, a wasp attacked my little brother today. And, don't get me wrong, I love my brother. He's one of my nine favorite people (my turtle's on that list...my fish is not). But, when that wasp dived for his face, I screamed and ran away. 


I actually shoved it back towards him at one point. 


I have the maternal instincts of a Wolf Spider. And they EAT THEIR YOUNG. 


So...there's that. 


Also, watch this...

So...I think that just about covers it. 

Also, I dyed my hair blue today. Not all of it...but a streak. I think that it's pretty fantabulous. Again, not many others share this opinion. 

Danielle Out. 

Day Forty-Nine of College: Rantings that Actually Border on Insanity

Today...was spent mainly in the library. Cause, who woulda thunk it...but college has ACTUAL WORK involved. At least to an extent. I had to do all this grammar nonsense for my journalism class. It was dumb. Journalism is dumb. Journalism is....well, I think the video portion of my blog puts it better.


Watch this....

So, as you can see, there is no lost love between my most un-favorite acquaintance and me (journalism being the stupid-evil-dumb acquaintance). 


Gah...I'm conflicted. I don't like being conflicted. I like a simple life...food, water, a nice wheel to exercise in...That's it! I'll just be a hamster. 


Problem solved. 


Except...I'm not a big fan of wood chips. 


Damn. 


Problem un-solved. 


I have more holes in my problem-solving-logic than the Titanic had after it hit that iceberg....Oh, that movie just killed me (LET HIM ON THE STUPID PIECE OF FURNITURE, ROSE YOU STUPID FAT COW!!) Anyway. My irrationally angry inner-voice is out again. 


I swear I'm not crazy. 


It's just that journalism is an evil wood nymph that crawls inside your brain and steals your hopes and dreams and uses them to buy crack cocaine. Then he sells crack cocaine to baby harbor seals. And, once they're all addicted...he uses them to form an army. An army of crack-fueled-harbor-seals. 


That got dark. 


I apologize. 


Maybe I should major in writing children's stories. 


Danielle Out

Day Forty-Three of College: The Narnia of Speeches

Today...


I discovered pawn shops! Pawn shops are basically my new most favorite thing (also, turkey bacon). I discovered the wonder that is a pawn shop whilst parading about the wilds of Muncie. The wilds of Muncie are populated with a combination of homeless guys and guys who could beat me up. And homeless guys who could beat me up. 


So, yup. Pawn shops. Also, second-hand bookstores. Those places have the best books...and the worst. But mostly the worst. Cause, who gives away books? Books are awesome! Oh no...my inner nerd got out again. Things like this are the reason that I'm a lonely mess. 


Also, speeches. I have to give one. My topic is coffee. Because I was tired and wanted coffee while I was writing it. So...it's pretty legit. Coffee. Did you know that it can take the arabic coffee plant 5 years to mature? You didn't? Well, that's probably the reason you all have significant others. And I'm still single. Though...I would kill on Jeopardy. 


Anyway, I also have a video-blog available for your viewing pleasure where I beg for comments and go off on cosmo. So...

So, there's that. For the record, that video was close to twelve minutes long when I finished recording it. It included my shopping list, more of my thoughts on Brokeback Mountain and a four-minute-long explosive rant about cosmo. It's all pretty funny, I assure you, but a lot of it (particularly the cosmo bit) isn't family-blog-friendly. Also, it's twelve minutes long. Seemed a little bit ridiculous. 


So...hit me up in the comments. No, no. Don't do that. Also, punch me in the face if I ever use the phrase "hit me up" ever again. Seriously. Ever. 


Danielle Out. 

Day Thirty-Seven of College: Crying and iMovie

Today...
I discovered iMovie!!!! (and cried a great deal for no apparent reason) Curious to know more? Watch the video below!

Yes, yes I know that the cuts are terrible...but I've only just discovered this lovely piece of technology! Give me some time...it'll be awesome. 


Danielle Out


P.S. I don't really want to be a phone sex operator. So...please don't call me.