In celebration of finals week, I've crafted this good old-fashioned video blog just for you!
(don't tell the others)
Anyway, I hate finals. They suck and make me sad. I've been existing in a state of constant anxiety for the past like month.
But instead of doing anything to relieve this anxiety like, I don't know, studying I've just been taking a lot very discouraged naps.
Sigh. One day I'll be a fully functional and responsible adult. You'll see. You'll all see!
Until then...have a video blog.
A vlog, as it were.
So, there's that for you. I would write more, but, you know...finals.
(Protip: When you want to go play video games, but don't want to be rude, just say finals. Trust me.)
I hate everything.
I should probably clarify that...
It's finals week, I'm stressed and the best I have to deal with my stress is to convert it into rage and then direct that rage at people I don't know. It's perfectly healthy, probably.
Well, now that we've gotten my trademark negativity out of the way...it's time for another list-based post!
Yay!
Here it is...
The Five People You Meet During Finals Week
1. The Substance Abuser
The Substance Abuser is easy to spot. They'll usually be dressed in sweatpants, a backwards baseball cap and sunglasses, no matter what time of day it is. Colloquially, they're also known as douchebags. They probably have a low GPA and a parent willing to pay for them to screw around at college.
And I guarentee that they will spend most if not all of finals week drunk of their ass. They may or may not come and actually take their finals and if they do, they will either be drunk or hungover. Avoid these people at all costs. They tend to be persuasive enough to make you think that drinking an entire bottle of vodka totally counts as studying for your chemistry exam.
2. The Insomniac
The Insomniac should be avoided at all cost. Not because they pose any significant threat to your own finals week performance, but because they're really, really annoying. At 8 AM on the first day of finals, the Insomniac has already gone three days without sleep and is already seven cups of coffee deep. And why, you ask, do we know this? Simple. We know this because they WON'T FREAKING SHUT UP ABOUT IT.
It's finals week. Everyone is tired. Everyone is dealing with less sleep...we really don't need you demanding that we compare sleep schedules with you. If the Insomniac spent more time actually studying and less time chugging espresso, they would get done studying with plenty of time to catch a nap before their first final.
3. The Media Maven
Thankfully, most of us manage to buckle down and shut up during finals week. Not the Media Maven, oh no. They are determined that absolutely everyone in the entire world must know all the intimate details of what they're doing to prepare for finals. When they start studying, they must post about it on facebook.
And twitter.
And their blog.
They may even take a picture of their notes/study guides/computer and post it on instagram with a caption like "studying loll! #YOLO" Why do they post that they're laughing out loud about studying? I like to think they're laughing because they know we all know that they aren't actually studying because they're too busy posting about studying to study. In actuality, they are probably just programed to types "lol" after every single thing they post.
4. The Super Nerd
We all know and hate the Super Nerd. Not only have they turned in every assignment and every extra credit assignment and aced every test, they probably have published articles in whatever field they're studying. They're the kids who have terrible glasses, un-ironic kitten sweaters and headgear. They're also the kids who will likely be your boss someday.
They live for finals week...finals week for them is like hanukkah for Jewish people. It's the one week a year that society acknowledges the thing they're good at (be it knowing the answers on tests or knowing all the words to the "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel" song). The Super Nerd is ready to kill it this week...they have their study guides color-coded and prepped for action.
They're going to get 100% on every single one of their finals and ruin the curb for the rest of us.
5. The Black Hole
We all reach this point. You've studied and studied and you just can't take it anymore. No matter how much knowledge you pour into our brain, it all just seems to leak out. You, my friend, have become a Black Hole. Nothing can escape the soul-sucking despair that has come over you. Not study guides, not sparknotes, not even time. The last few hours before your final slip past and all of the sudden you're stuck in the exam room staring down at a test that you know none of the answers too.
You do the best you can and go home where you'll sit, sucking up all the joy. After a few comatose hours spent drooling on the couch and watching cartoons, the Black Hole will stop sucking up joy and become a normal, underacheiveing college student again. Finals week will be over and, while you probably failed half your tests, at least you don't have to do it again for a while.
So...there's that. Be on the lookout for these kids...they'll make an already hellish week all the more hellish.
Good luck on your finals...and also on hanukkah, Jewish folks...
Today...
I'm supposed to be writing a paper. About Muncie. So, instead I wrote/recorded a blog.
You're welcome.
No, but seriously. This semester needs to be over. I don't care that my class semester is all kinds of terrible next semester.
Seriously, though.
I have two math classes and two anthropology classes.
I don't trust subjects with that many syllables in the title. Also, I just plain hate math. Math is terrible.
Also, I recorded me talking while I was waiting for my laundry to dry....
So. There's that.
It was terrible to cut...seriously. So many funny things happened that you didn't get to hear. Poor you. I get to hear my funny self talk all the time.
Oh, shameless self promotion for a minute. If you haven't already, like Danielle's Depressing Blogs on Facebook. There's a box somewhere up by the top of the page....go on...go like it...you know you want to.
Or you could like me on Google Plus....
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I almost got through that with a straight face....like anyone uses Google Plus.
Seriously Google Plus, it's nice that you tried. But, let it go. Nobody wants you.
Now go outside and sleep in the rain. And Facebook will stand in the doorway and laugh at you. Seriously, you laugh Facebook. You've earned it.
Danielle Out.
Today...
Finals week is nearly here, folks. You know what that means. A serious increase in the number of blogs I will be posting because I am avoiding the responsibility of studying for said finals.
I hate finals.
I hate school.
I hate work in general.
But, in other news, it being almost finals weeks also means that it is almost the end of the first semester! Woo! I'll be done with 1/8th of my college education!
...And I'm still single. We gotta step it up a few notches college. (I dunno...maybe it's my own fault for choosing to go to a college with really good arts, theatre, teaching and journalism programs. Those are subjects dominated by girls and gay boys. And don't get me wrong, I love gay boys. But...gay boys rarely love me back.)
Anyway.
Did I tell everyone that I applied to and got into Purdue last semester? I didn't? Well, I did.
Mostly it was because I was stressed, hated my major, and had no friends and was depressed because I had no friends. Also, because of high female/gay boy population here. But...I digress. That happened. I thought I should inform the general population that, despite popular belief, I AM smart enough to get into a college that isn't Ball State.
I'm not transferring because I can't afford it and because I've gotten used to my lonely little routines, but...still.
I got in. To Purdue. Granted, it was their liberal arts program (yes, they have one). So...maybe it isn't that big of an achievement. Huh.
Whatever. It's a point of pride at this point.
What the hell does liberal arts even mean? Seriously...does anyone know?
So, happy week-and-a-half until the end of first semester. Also, 19 days to Christmas. So, happy Christmas. And, jolly Hanukkah and merry Kwanza and neutral non-celebratory day to the Jehova's witnesses. And whatever to all you atheists out there.
Also, merry irony to the hipsters. I hope you get all the flannel shirts, pabst blue ribbon, and terrible sweaters that you deserve.
...I hate you, hipsters.
So much.
So, so much.
Danielle Out.
PS. Seriously, hipsters. SO MUCH.
