Juice, Polygamy, Screenplays and Appletinis

Sup.

It's a Thursday. It's cold outside.

So, you know, the usual things are happening. Bad weather, day that ends in y...check marks all around.

But, I turned 21 this week. So that is an exciting thing that happened. I drank some appletinis and bought some beer even though I really hate beer. So...I have that now. I'm not going to drink it, because it is twelve kinds of nasty, but I have it. And I am legally allowed to have it.

So suck on that, everyone younger than me. I might be likely to die sooner than you, but I have beer! Legally!

Right now I'm awkwardly lingering in a Starbucks trying to kill the forty minutes or so I have between classes and work. I figured it was write a blog or work on a screenplay, so...

Oh, you think I don't have a screenplay?

You're right. I don't have a screenplay. I have, like, a dozen of them.

But anyway, I wrote a pretty fabulous paper on polygamy the other day. And by pretty fabulous, I mean that halfway through, it turned into a self-righteous rant about how it was Perfectly Fine to be single and about how other people shouldn't force their life choices on me, oh my god Mom get off my case.

Yeah...

I probably should have rewritten it, but I didn't start it until two in the morning the night before. So really I'm just lucky I wrote anything at all. It was a bit of of a mess though, I'm not gonna lie. I think at one point I combined, like, three different sociologists into one mega-sociologist.

It worked for the Power Rangers. Why not sociologists?

I'll let you know about my grade. I wonder if it's possible to give someone a negative score for an assignment.

Anyway...time for a story.

Before I tell this story, vosotros need to understand something. I have a weirdly intense, probably majorly unhealthy, love of fruit juice. Two particular types, apple and cran-grape, stand above the rest. If I don't have a bottle of each in my fridge, my mental state is less than ideal.

I honestly think I might be a little bit cripplingly dependent on cran-grape and apple juice. They are literally the only items on my grocery list that I buy name-brand. I have money in my monthly budget set aside for juice-items.

My first alcoholic beverage was an appletini because of the possibility it might taste like apple juice.

But back to my story!

So, I turned 21 Tuesday. I had a bottle of wine that I got from my parents for my birthday and I decided that I was going to open that sucker and have a glass. I'm 21, dammit. I do what I want.

Because I am a liquor novice, me and the bottle opener got into a bit of a tussle. And by bit of a tussle, I mean I threw it at my wall and now I have a hole in my wall shaped like a bottle opener. So I gave up on the bottle opener and used a knife to cut the cork in half like a really lame ninja or something. Unfortunately, that made the cork fall into the bottle.

So now I had a bottle of wine with bits of cork floating in it. It was really, really frustrating. I laid down on my kitchen floor for a while and my cat Commander Shepurred started chewing on my toes. I needed a place to put my stupid wine. And I had ruined the stupid cork.

But...what was that? And empty apple juice container in my fridge? What luck!

And it was lucky. Until this morning when I wanted a drink of apple juice. The wine was vaguely apple juice colored and I was tired enough that it passed. So I just took a big drink of of it. Of wine. That I thought was apple juice.

It was literally the worst thing that has very happened to anyone ever. I spit wine all over my kitchen.

I had to eat, like, half a dozen waffles to make myself feel better.

Anyway, in other news, the ladies at work have started to offer me rides home. Instead of being a normal human and saying something like "oh, no thanks," or, I don't know, accepting the rides so I don't have to walk a mile and a half to get home, I felt the need to explain why I hate accepting rides from other people and that my Danielle-brand of craziness that makes me unwilling, or let's beyond honest, actually physically unable to accept help from other people.

I just really hate depending on other people for things. For anything at all. A lot of me wants to get a medical degree so I'll never have to ask a doctor for help. I hate ordering things in the mail because it means depending on another person to deliver the things to me. I hate asking my landlord to fix things because it means admitting that I can't fix the things by myself.

I have problems.

Problems that require me to go now and not twenty minutes from now because I am too stubborn to take the bus.

The snow awaits.

A Missive from the Executive Director of Stir Fry Affairs

Well, hi there. It's been awhile, hasn't it?

Things have happened, guys. So many things. 

The most relevant of those things is that I've started a new class that's really boring with a really boring professor whose only redeemable factor is that he allows me to have my computer while he drones on about criminal justice whatnot. Hence the back-from-the-dead blog. 

But, no. Seriously. I've had things going on. So many irons in fire. So many. 

I got a job. So...that's a thing. I'm in charge of all things stir fry from 4:30 to 8:30 every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday down at Elliot dining. I also do dishes sometimes, but I'm more focused on the stir fry thing. I love cooking stir fry. I'm awesome and fantastic at it. 

I made up a job title for myself. I am a stir fry artist. Or the executive director of stir fry affairs. Not gonna lie...my boss does not appreciate these titles as much as he should. Mostly he looks tired and rolls his eyes. I'm great. I don't know what his problem is.  

I'm also in three online classes this semester. It allows me to bring my procrastination to impressive new levels. I can do all my classwork in my batman footie pajamas while watching cartoons and eating grilled cheese. 

You should all be jealous of my totally awesome life choices. 

Speaking of awesome life choices, I accidentally went waaaaaaaay over my data plan with my cellphone so...now I owe the phone company like 800 dollars. I would just like to say that this is totally not my fault. Ball State's wifi apparently has an aversion to, I don't know, actually working. So all of my awesome music listening is now threatening to bankrupt me. 

I mean, like, more than I've already been bankrupted. 

Lucky thing I have a job. 

I mean, I only got the job to buy myself a new computer. (FYI, I did buy a new computer. And it's awesome. I've played so many games on it. All the games.) But now it seems like my job will do what most other people's jobs do. You know, pay for my food and my rent and stuff. Ick. I hate being a vaguely responsible adult. 

My professor is off on a tangent about both kings and antibiotics. I...did not know those things overlapped, historically speaking. I also have no idea what it has to do with criminal justice. 

But I digress. I kind of haven't been paying even a little bit of attention. Like, I've been the opposite of paying attention. I've been actively trying not to absorb the information being presented. Kind of like I do when someone tries to explain a sport to me. 

I have literally no clue what goes on in any sort of sports game...tournament...thing. And I am proud of that. That is a point of pride for me. 

Moving on...

I turn 21 next month. And we all know what that means....

I can legally apply for a marriage licene in Mississippi without parental consent!!!

Wooo!!!

There's also the drinking and gambling bit, but I'm less excited about that. Drinking and gambling are things that require you to leave your totally awesome apartment and interact with society. And that's not cool, bro. 

Society sucks. 

Trust me on this, I'm a professional. I'm almost done with a sociology degree. Legit. One class left and then I can go and do whatever it is someone with a bachelor's degree in sociology does. 

Be unemployed? 

Continue to make stir fry? 

I wouldn't complain. I like making stir fry. I am the executive director of stir fry affairs.

Wow. Class is almost over. 

I probably should have payed attention. 

Alas, it is too late. And we should not regret the things we cannot change. Gandhi said that. Or something like that.

Probably. 

I should go. (hehe) 

The Negative Effects of Mass Effect

In celebration of finals week, I've crafted this good old-fashioned video blog just for you! 

(don't tell the others)

Anyway, I hate finals. They suck and make me sad. I've been existing in a state of constant anxiety for the past like month. 

But instead of doing anything to relieve this anxiety like, I don't know, studying I've just been taking a lot very discouraged naps. 

Sigh. One day I'll be a fully functional and responsible adult. You'll see. You'll all see! 

Until then...have a video blog. 

A vlog, as it were. 

So, there's that for you. I would write more, but, you know...finals. 

(Protip: When you want to go play video games, but don't want to be rude, just say finals. Trust me.) 

Wednesday Bail

So...I've been a bit AWOL these past few weeks, haven't I? You all didn't even get a post-valentine's day rant. 

And, for that, I apologize. 

Guess what I've been doing? (if you said eating, sleeping and procrastinating, you're not wrong) Mostly, though, I've been playing my Xbox. Go ahead, shake your collective heads with disapproval. I know...I'm the worst. 

I just...I started on a new game series and I could not stop. In the past, like, month I've gotten average of 5 hours of sleep a night. I have a problem.  

But, no, I finished my game series (Mass Effect, if you were wondering) about a week ago. And the ending of the third game was so soul-crushingly horrible that I couldn't summon the will to do anything other than sleep, eat cereal and cry in the shower. 

And...that's what's been happening with me. 

Moving back into non-video-game-related matters, my spring break starts at the end of this week. "But, Danielle," You might be saying, utterly perplexed, "You can't be having spring break! It's February!" 

To that, I would respond, "I know. Ball State just sucks. At everything." 

But, no, my professors are trying to squeeze in their exams before we leave on late-winter break. I have four tests this week. It's the worst. 

So, I had to take this written exam. One of the questions was "describe three different types of bail." Well, I only knew two different types of bail. So, I wrote those down and then stared at the paper. And I stared. And stared. 

And I could not even come up with a made-up kind of bail that sounded even a little bit reasonable and/or legitimate. 

So, I wrote "the third type of bail is Wednesday bail. Wednesday is exactly the same as regular bail expect it is paid on a Wednesday." My professor just wrote the word "NO" on my paper. 

It all worked out fine because I got a B+ on the exam and I was like, "eh, whatever. I'll take it."  I still think I should have gotten an extra credit point for cleverness. Because, technically, Wednesday bail is a real thing...

But I digress. 

This is short...but I really don't have much else to say. I'll be back when something depressing happens.