Drug Trafficking and YOU

Greetings, blog readers. So...it's been a while.

Like a couple of months. I've been busy.

Don't look at me like that...I have. I've been doing so many productive things and making so many friends....

Okay, okay, you caught me.

I bought an xbox.

So...technically I have been busy. Just not busy in a positive way. Unless you count playing Skyrim for like 8 hours a day as a positive way to be busy.

Moving on...my video game playing has led to some crazy escapades. And by crazy escapades, I mean me injuring myself while doing something stupid. Again.

All I was trying to do was hang up a kickass Batman poster because my room was boring (it's not boring anymore. Now it has a kickass Batman poster). So, I was doing that. Just chilling in my room and standing on a desk and hanging up my poster. I got it all stuck to the wall and I was like, "yeah! this Batman poster looks awesome! no more crime for my room, no sir!"

So, I was all excited and whatnot. I was going to hop off my desk, head downstairs and get some celebratory grape jello. That didn't happen. I jumped from my desk to my bed...and it all went downhill from there. See, I can't jump very far in real life. In video games, I'm a world-class jumper. I could jump the crap outta any jump-related situation. In real life, not so much. Long story short, one of my legs ended up on the bed and the other ended up on the floor. I inadvertently did the splits and suddenly walking wasn't really in the cards for me.

I've been limping around like some sort of demented pirate for the past two weeks. It's made my walking class rather difficult.

That's just one of the wacky and depressing things I've been up to. I also had the stomach flu on Thanksgiving and dressed as Batgirl some more. So...you know. Average Danielle-type things that I've been doing.

Right now, I'm in class. Criminology to be precise. My professor sucks. A lot. Today we're talking about cocaine trafficking and prostitution. Fun topic, right? WRONG! She's making it SO BORING!

How does one make prostitution and cocaine boring? I don't know! It's like a recipie for fun and debauchery! Or a kickass movie! It should be like Scarface up in here and instead I'm so effing bored that I'm stabbing myself in the leg with a pencil just to stay awake.

I should really be teaching this class instead. I'd wear my Batsuit and bring in a real live prostitute for the students to look at (don't touch...they bite!). I really am so much better at things than most people.

Gah, I should go.

I've probably got lead poisoning from all the pencil-leg-stabbing I've done.

So, if I die in the next few hours...that's probably why.

Hell is Other People (And Big Feet)

Hey there...Danielle in Sociology class here.

I'm so bored. So, the other day my biology professor just said that there's "no way to escape learning." For one, that sounds rather frightening. Are you going to hunt me down and force me to read a textbook at gunpoint?

 "You will learn, defiant student!" 

"No, no, please! Anything but that! Anything but learning!" 

"Learn or I shoot!" 

"Give me ignorance or give me death!"

 Two, I so totally can. Haha, I defy you, biology professor! I should be listening to the lecture...instead I'm writing a devilishly amusing blog! Learning, ha...school is for chumps.

So...my ongoing quest for college-friends has hit another tiny bump. This bump, unlike the others, is not due to my undeserved sense of superiority or my unwillingness to ever leave my room. This bump is made entirely of social awkwardness. And also feet. 

It happened this morning. I was on my way to class, listening to my music, just as chill as you please. I was like a normal human for five seconds almost. Then I tripped over my stupid feet. A boy who was walking near me glanced over and said something along the lines of "are you okay?" 

Now this is the point where most normal humans would nod and laugh or thank the kind stranger who had taken in interest in their present predicament. Not me. Nope. I will not settle for normal, comfortable social interaction. Instead I shouted the words, "Big Feet!" at him. 

Smooooth. 

I do have fairly large feet. They're size 12. My feet are not petite. When he looked confused and a little embarrassed, I decided to do the idiotic thing and keep talking. "I have big feet...I was, I was talking about my feet. They making walking a rather difficult endeavor." 

When he remained silent, I assumed that I should keep going. "Yeah...so I was talking about my feet. Not your feet. All thought, you know what they say about guys with big feet!" 

Once time travel is invented, I am using it to go back to that moment and shoot myself. I'm not kidding. 

Keep in mind, that I had headphones in for all of this so I was practically shouting these things. It was suuuuper. 

After an awkward half-bow half-curtsy deal, I scrambled up and used my big feet to get the hell out of there. So...that was my Tuesday.

Anyway, I've updated my blog. It's now DDB 2.0 (Danielle's Depressing Blog Two-Point-Oh). No gonna lie...it's pretty bitching. (I'm going to bring back the word bitching. I feel like it's going fairly well at this point.)

So...this school's temperatures are Dante's Inferno-themed today. My dorm room is literally the hottest place I have ever been. My Bio class is about the same temperature. But my sociology class decided that it was going to be different. My Bio class decided to be the ninth circle of hell today. For those of you not in the know, that means that my bio class (and the ninth circle of Danielle-hell) is really, really, really cold.

Also, Judas might be here. I don't know yet.

How am I supposed to dress for these ever-fluctuating temperatures? Wear short shorts and a parka? Snow pants and a tank top? 

Maybe the hipster I saw the other day with jeans, no shirt and a beanie had the right idea. Ha, as if. Hipsters never have the right idea. Expect being hit by buses. That's a right idea, all you hipsters out there. Think of the volume of people who get hit by buses. Not very high, right? Right. So, you'd be super un-mainstream. 

You're welcome, world. Thanks to me, Danielle L Renckly, there are no more hipsters. They were all hit by buses...and died. 

I should go...there are probably a dozen or so people left on campus who I haven't made uncomfortable yet. That needs to be remedied.

Day 235 of College: My Heart Won't Go On

Today...


I am still emotionally unstable. Why am I emotionally unstable, you ask? Well, the answer to that question is simple. And that answer is Titanic. 


As of yesterday, I was probably one of the, like, six people on earth who had never seen Titanic (the movie...not the boat). I dunno. It had just never come up. 


So, my friends all went to see Titanic (again, the movie not the boat) in 3D. I went along because when someone tells me to do something, I usually do it, emotional consequences aside. 


So...I watched Titanic. 


Oh my God. 


Why did no one tell me HOW SAD IT IS??? 


I seriously wept openly for the last half-hour. And then, finally, when it was over, I just sat in my seat crying. I took my 3D glasses off and I had makeup, like, all down my face. I tried to hide my sadness behind a popcorn bucket, but people saw me. 


All my friends laughed. 


The movie theater noticed their laughter and the whole movie theater looked back and THEY LAUGHED TOO. 


It was terrible. 


I had makeup all over my face and I was just blubbering about how awful it was that the Titanic (the boat...not the movie) sunk and everybody died. I was NOT OKAY. 


I had to go home and hug my dad. 


I cried the whole drive home and then at a bonfire my friends had and then later in the shower. Why? Why did that movie have to be so SAD?  


I'm still very delicate, emotionally speaking. Weird things keep setting me off. I cried this morning while eating waffles. I cried while shopping at Kohls. I even cried while putting on my makeup this morning (eventually I just gave up). 


I just hate everything right now. 


My god...why do people watch Titanic (the movie...not the boat)? I don't understand. 


And...okay. I'm crying again. I need to go listen to my "Sad Songs" playlist, which now includes "My heart will go on" in addition to "I can't make you love me." 


Basically, it's just those two songs. Over and over and over. 


Okay. 


Danielle OUT.

Day 109 of College: I'm Faster than Usual

Today...


I would like to clear something up. I'm not dying, nor am I already dead. Okay. 


We're good. 


So, moving on. For those unlucky souls who are not my Facebook/real-life friends, you haven't heard about my lemonade-flavored escapades of this past week, have you?


Well, they're fun. And they involve hot boys and the hospital and me being generally uncomfortable. So...to start....


The hot boy. And the lemonade. It's a video...which I shall now embed...

So...there's that. 

But, moving on from my lemonade-soaked moccasins (they're still sticky, I swear) I also went to the hospital. AT ONE IN THE FREAKING MORNING. 

And let me just say, I think Web MD should be outlawed. Because Web MD freaked me the hell out. Cause when I put in my symptoms, Web MD told me I was having a freaking stroke. I'm an 18-year-old girl, Web MD. 18-year-old girls do not often have strokes. So, I went to the hospital at one in the freaking morning and got a CAT scan. Guess what? NO STROKE, WEB MD. 

Migrane-style-headache, check. No feeling in my left side, also check. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM HAVING A STROKE, WEB MD. 

So, that's where the Danielle-is-dead/dying rumors came in. Just to clear it up. 

Danielle Out. 

PS. I'm fine. Again, to clear it up. People have been calling my phone at very odd hours to make sure I'm not in a morgue. It's very sweet, yes, but it is also awful for my already fragile and tiny sleep schedule.