It's cold.
It's very cold.
It's stupidly, unfairly, literally worse than the movie The Day After Tomorrow cold.
As a human person who walks literally everywhere in their life, this poses a problem. A problem called "I'm starting to think I need a dogsled team to get to work, oh my god Indiana we aren't the freaking Yukon, calm the hell down."
It's...it's a working title. I feel like it does a pretty good job of expressing the "I can't feel my ears" level of cold I am currently dealing with.
Ugh. Weather. I am pro-global warming at this point. Go ahead, ice caps. Melt already. I can kayak to work or something. So long as the temperature is never negative ever again.
The penguins can adapt. I believe in them. They can move to the cities and become stock brokers and Red Lobster waiters in their tiny little tuxedos. It will be great. Shut up.
In other news, my birthday is soon. So...get excited. I'm turning 21.
Drunk Danielle is coming to a theatre near you!
Not really. There will be no drunk Danielle. My birthday is on a Tuesday. You can't get drunk on a Tuesday. Well, I mean you can. It's just...not advisable.
Also, I have to work that day. Stir fry is Serious Business. You shouldn't drink and fry. It's not the law...but it probably should be.
So, speaking of my job, something exciting happened the other day. It was a regular scandal. Someone wrote "Obama Sucks" in the men's employee bathroom above the urinal. You might be saying to yourself, "really, toilet graffiti? That's exciting for you?"
But it really is! It is literally the most exciting thing that has ever happened at my job ever. Well, we had a fryer sort of explode one time, but other than that this is the most exciting thing! Someone had the audacity to pen such a bold, thought-provoking political statement on the bathroom wall.
And we only have two male employees. And one of them was the one who found it! So...my first ever detective-type investigation is starting to get real exciting. I plan on buying some tacks, yarn and printing out a whole bunch of mostly-irrelevant pictures to create one of those crime-tracking-web things on my bulletin board. Also, I need a bulletin board.
Honestly, though...it was super funny to see everybody at work freak out over the "Obama Sucks" written above a urinal. It was all anyone talked about. Not just during that one shift either, no...it was for like the entire week afterwards.
Politics, am I right?
Speaking of other very exciting things, I bought a ring that looks like a watch. It's awesome and fantastic and it only cost me 99 cents (and no, I was not thrift shopping.)
I am not allowed to wear my watch-ring at work. I know because I tried to wear it at work and was forced to take it off and go put it in my locker. I attempted to protest this gross injustice by appealing to my boss. My boss said that I was not allowed to wear my ring because only wedding rings are allowed. I looked him right in the eye and told him that my watch ring was a wedding ring. He just looked kind of tired and sad and went away without saying anything else.
I don't think he's all that fond of my theatrics.
Anyway, I should probably go...it's stupidly cold outside and I have to somehow make my way to work. It's times like this when I really rue my irrational fear of buses, shuttles and all other forms of public transportation. Also my completely rational fear of attempting to drive myself anywhere.
That fear is 100% rational. One time, I jumped a round-a-bout and lost a hubcap because I was too busy yelling to pay attention the the actual driving business.
Ugh.
My life is stupid.
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Thursday, February 7, 2013
The Consequences of Aging
I'm bored as hell.
This class...I'm starting to think that Thursday night blogs are going to be a regular thing. I am actively trying not to pay attention. Seriously. It's like I'm spiting the professor, Ball State and my student loans by getting absolutely nothing out of this class.
Meh. This sucks.
Anyway, I signed a lease for an apartment. So...that's good. And expensive. But also good. I'm gonna have my own kitchen and stuff, but no car. So, I'm not exactly sure how exactly I'm going to get the grocery store.
I mean, it's not like I'm going to take the bus. Someone might accidentally touch me or breathe my air and my many mental disorders won't let the shit fly.
I'm joking.
(Or am I?)
My many issues aside, I need to start going to the gym again. (Or, like, for the first time. I haven't really been before.) But, no, I picked literally the only major that, like, requires you to be in relatively good physical shape. Apparently, fighting crime requires being able to run and also do push-ups. Who knew?
I currently get winded walking up stairs (or stair...one stair...isn't that just, like, a ledge? Or an uneven piece of ground?) But, whatever. All I know is that I have a ways (a very, very long ways) to go before I can run a mile and half like the FBI wants me to.
Anyway. I'm 20 in fours days...so that's a thing. I'm not really all that excited. I feel like once I'm not a teenager, a lot of the weird shit I do will be less acceptable.
Watching cartoons when you're a teenager? That's cool, bro. We get it. You're still young. You're just bored and tired of watching the Maury show. It's totally normal that you feel like watching a few episodes of spongebob now and then.
Once I'm 20 though...watching cartoons stops being understandable and starts being creepy. Same thing with being unemployed and single and obsessed with video games.
God...I'm still single. Gah. My life is the worst.
And to add fuel to my single-sadness fire, Valentines Day is coming up. I've got my sad playlist and carbs ready. Bring it on, you stupid day devoted to happiness that I'm not allowed to be a part of. Sometimes, I feel like being in a relationship gives you membership to some super-secret happiness club.
I want to be part of the super-secret happiness club!
But I feel like the things that I mentioned before (watching cartoons, being unemployed and being obsessed with video games) would kind of be detrimental to being in a relationship. Also, I hate feelings and talking about them. So...that doesn't help.
This class is slowly sucking the life out of me.
But, I should go and at least try to pay some sort of attention. Ha, I'm kidding. I'm going to go and online shop until this stupid class is over.
This class...I'm starting to think that Thursday night blogs are going to be a regular thing. I am actively trying not to pay attention. Seriously. It's like I'm spiting the professor, Ball State and my student loans by getting absolutely nothing out of this class.
Meh. This sucks.
Anyway, I signed a lease for an apartment. So...that's good. And expensive. But also good. I'm gonna have my own kitchen and stuff, but no car. So, I'm not exactly sure how exactly I'm going to get the grocery store.
I mean, it's not like I'm going to take the bus. Someone might accidentally touch me or breathe my air and my many mental disorders won't let the shit fly.
I'm joking.
(Or am I?)
My many issues aside, I need to start going to the gym again. (Or, like, for the first time. I haven't really been before.) But, no, I picked literally the only major that, like, requires you to be in relatively good physical shape. Apparently, fighting crime requires being able to run and also do push-ups. Who knew?
I currently get winded walking up stairs (or stair...one stair...isn't that just, like, a ledge? Or an uneven piece of ground?) But, whatever. All I know is that I have a ways (a very, very long ways) to go before I can run a mile and half like the FBI wants me to.
Anyway. I'm 20 in fours days...so that's a thing. I'm not really all that excited. I feel like once I'm not a teenager, a lot of the weird shit I do will be less acceptable.
Watching cartoons when you're a teenager? That's cool, bro. We get it. You're still young. You're just bored and tired of watching the Maury show. It's totally normal that you feel like watching a few episodes of spongebob now and then.
Once I'm 20 though...watching cartoons stops being understandable and starts being creepy. Same thing with being unemployed and single and obsessed with video games.
God...I'm still single. Gah. My life is the worst.
And to add fuel to my single-sadness fire, Valentines Day is coming up. I've got my sad playlist and carbs ready. Bring it on, you stupid day devoted to happiness that I'm not allowed to be a part of. Sometimes, I feel like being in a relationship gives you membership to some super-secret happiness club.
I want to be part of the super-secret happiness club!
But I feel like the things that I mentioned before (watching cartoons, being unemployed and being obsessed with video games) would kind of be detrimental to being in a relationship. Also, I hate feelings and talking about them. So...that doesn't help.
This class is slowly sucking the life out of me.
But, I should go and at least try to pay some sort of attention. Ha, I'm kidding. I'm going to go and online shop until this stupid class is over.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Day 181 of College: 3, 2, 1...
Today...
It's almost V-day, people. Signs of it are popping up everywhere. There are happy couples making out all over the place and clubs around campus selling flowers and chocolate like normal people sell crack.
It's disgusting, really.
I will, of course, be hiding in my room for the duration of tomorrow and eating all sorts of foods that are terrible for me. Speaking of terrible food, my birthday happened this weekend.
Guess who's nineteen years single?
You guessed it. As per usual, it's this girl.
But, on this Valentines-eve, there is some good news. I've managed to get into what was seriously the last single dorm left on campus for next year. Huzzah!
I'm a terrible roommate. Seriously. I sleep at odd hours. My phone alarm likes to go off when I don't want it to. I sing to my fish. I take up all the room in the minifridge with my greek yogurts. And I'm terribly vain, so I basically live in front of the mirror.
Next year, no one will have to suffer my idiosyncrasies. Except for my fish. They don't have legs so there's no way for them to run! Ha!
In other news, I managed to spill some girl's coffee on her, all of her books and three other people today in my Econ class. I'm great.
I got all flustered and waved my hands like some deranged giant chicken. After apologizing at least 50 times, I ran from the classroom, forgetting all of my books and my jacket in the process. So I had to go back and apologize some more before getting my stupid stuff.
I'm the worst.
Anyhow, does selling little debbie cakes count as a "bake sale?" No? That's what I thought. But it didn't stop the "earth-based religions" club from selling cosmic brownies and only cosmic brownies at their Valentine's Day Bake Sale.
Seriously, earth-based religions club? Valentine's day? More like forever alone day, am I right? Right?
No...they still get more action than me. Gah. My life is a black hole of suckiness.
Anyhow, unhappy valentine's greeting from your favorite newly 19-year-old blogger.
I'll see you all tomorrow.
Danielle OUT.
It's almost V-day, people. Signs of it are popping up everywhere. There are happy couples making out all over the place and clubs around campus selling flowers and chocolate like normal people sell crack.
It's disgusting, really.
I will, of course, be hiding in my room for the duration of tomorrow and eating all sorts of foods that are terrible for me. Speaking of terrible food, my birthday happened this weekend.
Guess who's nineteen years single?
You guessed it. As per usual, it's this girl.
But, on this Valentines-eve, there is some good news. I've managed to get into what was seriously the last single dorm left on campus for next year. Huzzah!
I'm a terrible roommate. Seriously. I sleep at odd hours. My phone alarm likes to go off when I don't want it to. I sing to my fish. I take up all the room in the minifridge with my greek yogurts. And I'm terribly vain, so I basically live in front of the mirror.
Next year, no one will have to suffer my idiosyncrasies. Except for my fish. They don't have legs so there's no way for them to run! Ha!
In other news, I managed to spill some girl's coffee on her, all of her books and three other people today in my Econ class. I'm great.
I got all flustered and waved my hands like some deranged giant chicken. After apologizing at least 50 times, I ran from the classroom, forgetting all of my books and my jacket in the process. So I had to go back and apologize some more before getting my stupid stuff.
I'm the worst.
Anyhow, does selling little debbie cakes count as a "bake sale?" No? That's what I thought. But it didn't stop the "earth-based religions" club from selling cosmic brownies and only cosmic brownies at their Valentine's Day Bake Sale.
Seriously, earth-based religions club? Valentine's day? More like forever alone day, am I right? Right?
No...they still get more action than me. Gah. My life is a black hole of suckiness.
Anyhow, unhappy valentine's greeting from your favorite newly 19-year-old blogger.
I'll see you all tomorrow.
Danielle OUT.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Day 176 of College: Special Skills and Sportulas
Today...
I have news. I got lemonade from chick-fil-a today...and I didn't even spill it on a hot boy. Huzzah. It's a Wednesday miracle.
Anyhow. I've decided to become bilingual. The first two attempts didn't go so hot. Once, I tried to learn Latin. I can say the Pledge of Allegiance in Latin. To this day, it remains the only thing I can say in Latin (oh, and sportula which means "small gift basket").
My other attempt to become bilingual was with Spanish. I have tried and failed to learn Spanish many times. I've taken Spanish One not once, not twice, but thrice. Thrice times of Spanish! Madness, I know. When you add in the fact that my sister has almost graduated college with a Spanish Education degree, it gets kinda sad.
Regardless of my many language failures, I've decided to try again! I've decided that I'll either go for German (because that's where my Dad's family is from) or French (because that's where my Mom's family is from) or Russian (because what the hell.)
I'm leaning towards Russian because they have letters that look not like english letters and because the "what the hell" factor in my life could use some increasing.
Yeah.
Moving on to other things, I've noticed recently that I have no special skills. I can't whistle. I can't roll my r's. I can only snap with one hand. My break dancing is only sub-par. My bird calls leave something to be desired. And, as I've previously stated, I only know one language and that language is English.
Lame.
I need to develop some special skills. Well, I am rather good at making sandwiches. I'm also good at punching, hitting and biting. And, let us not overlook my most special of skills, my ability to remain single for nineteen years.
Yes, I'm not 19 yet, but I'm rounding up. The chances of me getting a boyfriend by this Saturday are about .00000000000000000000000000000000000001, in statistical terms.
Anyhow, hope you are all having a lovely February even though I am not.
Danielle OUT.
P.S. Wanna read about my thoughts on football? I knew you did. Click here.
I have news. I got lemonade from chick-fil-a today...and I didn't even spill it on a hot boy. Huzzah. It's a Wednesday miracle.
Anyhow. I've decided to become bilingual. The first two attempts didn't go so hot. Once, I tried to learn Latin. I can say the Pledge of Allegiance in Latin. To this day, it remains the only thing I can say in Latin (oh, and sportula which means "small gift basket").
My other attempt to become bilingual was with Spanish. I have tried and failed to learn Spanish many times. I've taken Spanish One not once, not twice, but thrice. Thrice times of Spanish! Madness, I know. When you add in the fact that my sister has almost graduated college with a Spanish Education degree, it gets kinda sad.
Regardless of my many language failures, I've decided to try again! I've decided that I'll either go for German (because that's where my Dad's family is from) or French (because that's where my Mom's family is from) or Russian (because what the hell.)
I'm leaning towards Russian because they have letters that look not like english letters and because the "what the hell" factor in my life could use some increasing.
Yeah.
Moving on to other things, I've noticed recently that I have no special skills. I can't whistle. I can't roll my r's. I can only snap with one hand. My break dancing is only sub-par. My bird calls leave something to be desired. And, as I've previously stated, I only know one language and that language is English.
Lame.
I need to develop some special skills. Well, I am rather good at making sandwiches. I'm also good at punching, hitting and biting. And, let us not overlook my most special of skills, my ability to remain single for nineteen years.
Yes, I'm not 19 yet, but I'm rounding up. The chances of me getting a boyfriend by this Saturday are about .00000000000000000000000000000000000001, in statistical terms.
Anyhow, hope you are all having a lovely February even though I am not.
Danielle OUT.
P.S. Wanna read about my thoughts on football? I knew you did. Click here.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Day 174 of College: F is for Football
Today...
Woe is me and all that. Eight days til the worst day of the year. Meh.
Five days until my birthday. 19 isn't an exciting birthday, though. I can't drink or rent a car yet, so...there's two of my goals that will have to wait a bit longer to be fulfilled.
So, I've been playing eenie meenie miney major again. I'm on Criminal Justice right now. Seriously, how much more awesome would the world be if I had a gun? Or at least my own Enforcer.
That'll probably change in a week though. I'll keep you posted.
So, the superbowl was in Indianapolis this year. Apparently, they can do that even though our football team wasn't playing. I don't understand.
It's okay, I'm a girl. Girls don't have to understand sports-related-things. Yeah for gender-based stereotypes!
But, anyway, every single person in Indiana made a point to visit Indy and participate in this whole "oh yeah, football totally matters and is important," delusion that was sweeping through our lovely state's capitol.
Except, of course, me.
Even my family went! Seriously. And, as per usual, they didn't bother informing me. It's just like when they go on vacation and leave me home "totally not on accident, Danielle. We love you just as much as our small army of other kids."
I'm so alone. And single. And alone.
Moving on. Back to the Superbowl and all that. There were famous people in Indy. I should have been there! I'm a famous person! I was Jan in Grease in my senior year of high school!
My refusal to let go of high school aside, I'm very upset that I didn't understand what a big deal the Superbowl actually was. I mean, when you look at it from my perspective...it's a football game. I didn't really comprehend that famous people would, you know, care.
Maybe my inability to understand the complex and delicate inner-workings of football games and their importance to society is why I'm soon to be 19 years single.
Though, I think my abrasive personality, oddly short thumbs and incessant complaining might have something to do with it.
...Nah. It's probably the football thing.
Danielle OUT.
Woe is me and all that. Eight days til the worst day of the year. Meh.
Five days until my birthday. 19 isn't an exciting birthday, though. I can't drink or rent a car yet, so...there's two of my goals that will have to wait a bit longer to be fulfilled.
So, I've been playing eenie meenie miney major again. I'm on Criminal Justice right now. Seriously, how much more awesome would the world be if I had a gun? Or at least my own Enforcer.
That'll probably change in a week though. I'll keep you posted.
So, the superbowl was in Indianapolis this year. Apparently, they can do that even though our football team wasn't playing. I don't understand.
It's okay, I'm a girl. Girls don't have to understand sports-related-things. Yeah for gender-based stereotypes!
But, anyway, every single person in Indiana made a point to visit Indy and participate in this whole "oh yeah, football totally matters and is important," delusion that was sweeping through our lovely state's capitol.
Except, of course, me.
Even my family went! Seriously. And, as per usual, they didn't bother informing me. It's just like when they go on vacation and leave me home "totally not on accident, Danielle. We love you just as much as our small army of other kids."
I'm so alone. And single. And alone.
Moving on. Back to the Superbowl and all that. There were famous people in Indy. I should have been there! I'm a famous person! I was Jan in Grease in my senior year of high school!
My refusal to let go of high school aside, I'm very upset that I didn't understand what a big deal the Superbowl actually was. I mean, when you look at it from my perspective...it's a football game. I didn't really comprehend that famous people would, you know, care.
Maybe my inability to understand the complex and delicate inner-workings of football games and their importance to society is why I'm soon to be 19 years single.
Though, I think my abrasive personality, oddly short thumbs and incessant complaining might have something to do with it.
...Nah. It's probably the football thing.
Danielle OUT.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Day 167 of College: Ready, Set, Debt!
Today...
I almost bought an ENFORCER on ebay!
Then some jerk outbid me. Jerk.
I have about, eh, $900 in my bank account right now. And while that may sound like a lot for a poor college student to have in her bank account...it's student-loan-money. So someday I'm going to have to pay all that money back. Also, interest. Lots and lots of interest.
I had to take debt counseling classes online this summer. I'm totally serious. It was terrible. I'm already in thousands of dollars of debt...now you're going to make me take classes about being in debt too?
Jerks.
Anyway, if you wanted to see a fully compiled list of the annoying bitc...ahem, girls you meet at college, you can find it here.
Moving on to other things...
Guess who has two oddly short thumbs and no boyfriend?
...don't make me say it.
Oh, fine. THIS GIRL.
This girl is also coming up on the worst month of the year. February.
I hate February for three very justifiable reasons. I also hate it for about three-dozen non-justifiable reasons, but I won't bore you with those.
1. It can't spell February. So far, google chrome had corrected my attempts at spelling February to "fur brewery" and "fib rarely." So there's that reason.
2. My birthday is in February. The 11th, to be exact. I am not someone who enjoys getting older. Not one bit. Because, really, every year I have to say I've spent another year of my life single. And, once you tell people you're 19 years single...they're going to start to ask what's wrong with you. (Beyond the obvious, of course.)
3. Need I even type it? Valenti...ahem, SAD day is in February. (For those of you not in the know or in happy relationships, SAD day is Single's Awareness Day...day.)
On the bright side, that is the one day a year that I can lie in bed like a slug all day, eat an entire quart of cookie dough ice cream, and listen to "I Can't Make You Love Me" on repeat and none of you are allowed to judge me.
People will look at me and say "What the hell are you doing?"
And I say, "I'm single."
And then they flinch sympathetically and skip off to have a day filled with candy hearts and happiness.
I know I'm starting this whole "countdown to Single's Awareness Day day" thing pretty early...but I'm pacing myself. We're gonna build up slowly, don't you worry.
Anyway. There's homework and SAD day prepping to be done.
Danielle OUT.
I almost bought an ENFORCER on ebay!
Then some jerk outbid me. Jerk.
I have about, eh, $900 in my bank account right now. And while that may sound like a lot for a poor college student to have in her bank account...it's student-loan-money. So someday I'm going to have to pay all that money back. Also, interest. Lots and lots of interest.
I had to take debt counseling classes online this summer. I'm totally serious. It was terrible. I'm already in thousands of dollars of debt...now you're going to make me take classes about being in debt too?
Jerks.
Anyway, if you wanted to see a fully compiled list of the annoying bitc...ahem, girls you meet at college, you can find it here.
Moving on to other things...
Guess who has two oddly short thumbs and no boyfriend?
...don't make me say it.
Oh, fine. THIS GIRL.
This girl is also coming up on the worst month of the year. February.
I hate February for three very justifiable reasons. I also hate it for about three-dozen non-justifiable reasons, but I won't bore you with those.
1. It can't spell February. So far, google chrome had corrected my attempts at spelling February to "fur brewery" and "fib rarely." So there's that reason.
2. My birthday is in February. The 11th, to be exact. I am not someone who enjoys getting older. Not one bit. Because, really, every year I have to say I've spent another year of my life single. And, once you tell people you're 19 years single...they're going to start to ask what's wrong with you. (Beyond the obvious, of course.)
3. Need I even type it? Valenti...ahem, SAD day is in February. (For those of you not in the know or in happy relationships, SAD day is Single's Awareness Day...day.)
On the bright side, that is the one day a year that I can lie in bed like a slug all day, eat an entire quart of cookie dough ice cream, and listen to "I Can't Make You Love Me" on repeat and none of you are allowed to judge me.
People will look at me and say "What the hell are you doing?"
And I say, "I'm single."
And then they flinch sympathetically and skip off to have a day filled with candy hearts and happiness.
I know I'm starting this whole "countdown to Single's Awareness Day day" thing pretty early...but I'm pacing myself. We're gonna build up slowly, don't you worry.
Anyway. There's homework and SAD day prepping to be done.
Danielle OUT.
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