Politics in an Arctic Wasteland

It's cold.

It's very cold.

It's stupidly, unfairly, literally worse than the movie The Day After Tomorrow cold.
As a human person who walks literally everywhere in their life, this poses a problem. A problem called "I'm starting to think I need a dogsled team to get to work, oh my god Indiana we aren't the freaking Yukon, calm the hell down."

It's...it's a working title. I feel like it does a pretty good job of expressing the "I can't feel my ears" level of cold I am currently dealing with.

Ugh. Weather. I am pro-global warming at this point. Go ahead, ice caps. Melt already. I can kayak to work or something. So long as the temperature is never negative ever again.

The penguins can adapt. I believe in them. They can move to the cities and become stock brokers and Red Lobster waiters in their tiny little tuxedos. It will be great. Shut up.

In other news, my birthday is soon. So...get excited. I'm turning 21.

Drunk Danielle is coming to a theatre near you!

 Not really. There will be no drunk Danielle. My birthday is on a Tuesday. You can't get drunk on a Tuesday. Well, I mean you can. It's just...not advisable.

Also, I have to work that day. Stir fry is Serious Business. You shouldn't drink and fry. It's not the law...but it probably should be.

So, speaking of my job, something exciting happened the other day. It was a regular scandal. Someone wrote "Obama Sucks" in the men's employee bathroom above the urinal. You might be saying to yourself, "really, toilet graffiti? That's exciting for you?"

But it really is! It is literally the most exciting thing that has ever happened at my job ever. Well, we had a fryer sort of explode one time, but other than that this is the most exciting thing! Someone had the audacity to pen such a bold, thought-provoking political statement on the bathroom wall.

And we only have two male employees. And one of them was the one who found it! So...my first ever detective-type investigation is starting to get real exciting. I plan on buying some tacks, yarn and printing out a whole bunch of mostly-irrelevant pictures to create one of those crime-tracking-web things on my bulletin board. Also, I need a bulletin board.

Honestly, though...it was super funny to see everybody at work freak out over the "Obama Sucks" written above a urinal. It was all anyone talked about. Not just during that one shift either, no...it was for like the entire week afterwards.

Politics, am I right?

Speaking of other very exciting things, I bought a ring that looks like a watch. It's awesome and fantastic and it only cost me 99 cents (and no, I was not thrift shopping.)

I am not allowed to wear my watch-ring at work. I know because I tried to wear it at work and was forced to take it off and go put it in my locker. I attempted to protest this gross injustice by appealing to my boss. My boss said that I was not allowed to wear my ring because only wedding rings are allowed. I looked him right in the eye and told him that my watch ring was a wedding ring. He just looked kind of tired and sad and went away without saying anything else.

I don't think he's all that fond of my theatrics.

Anyway, I should probably go...it's stupidly cold outside and I have to somehow make my way to work. It's times like this when I really rue my irrational fear of buses, shuttles and all other forms of public transportation. Also my completely rational fear of attempting to drive myself anywhere.

That fear is 100% rational. One time, I jumped a round-a-bout and lost a hubcap because I was too busy yelling to pay attention the the actual driving business.

Ugh.

My life is stupid.

Day Sixteen of College: R for Reverse-Karma

Today...
     I think that my bad luck-slash-the general suckiness of my life is contagious. It's like reverse-karma. I suck out your good karma points by standing to close. I've alway thought of karma like the House 
points in Harry Potter...so, in this instance, innocent bystanders are Gryffindor and I'm Snape. 
     
     Take the necessary precautions. My evidence behind this conclusion is that two cars crashed into each other, like, feet from me. I was riding my bike about campus like I usually do when I'm mourning the fact that I will be in debt for literally forever when all of the sudden two cars went careening into each other! GASP! I was almost killed. No, not really. But, still. I think it's my fault. My depressing-ocity is like a disease...it's spreading through the air!!
      
     Sorry...seventh grade flashback. For whatever reason, my stupid school district has kids watch the movie Outbreak to understand how diseases get spread. I would like to ask the school board one question. ARE YOU PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MINDS??? Outbreak is rated R. As in restricted. As in you should NOT show this to seventh grade school children. That is NOT a thing you should do. Because, despite the fact that the "gory" and "romantic" scenes are censored out...IT'S STILL A HORROR MOVIE ABOUT DISEASES. And maybe some impressionable seventh-grader might be so frightened by the concept of a disease taking over the planet, she'll skip a week of school so she doesn't have to see the conclusion of the horrific saga. ANYWAY. 
  
 Other things that happened today...let's see...I dunno, I'm still stuck on the Outbreak thing. 


   Junior High was TERRIBLE. 

  All children ages 12-14 should be locked away in tiny cages far underground. Cause that would probably be FUNNER than Junior High. Funner is not a word. I know that. I'm not dumb! I GOT A 1920 ON MY SATS! GET OFF MY BACK!
   
   This blog is turning unreasonable and angry. Sorry. College does not provide many sleeping opportunities. Or...it does, but I choose to neglect them by playing Robot Unicorn Attack or writing self-pitying blogs that no one will read...


(why does nobody love me?) 


Anyway. 


There's homework to be done. And since I'm paying tens of thousands of dollars of the privilege to do this freaking homework...


I should probably go do my freaking homework. 


Danielle Out. 

Day Seven of College: Buried in Chickens

Today....


My feud with all pizza-service-related-people began anew. For those of you who don't know(which can't honestly be many at this point) let's skip back ten months and visit the scene of my first accident (or second if you could that thing with the round-a-bout...) where I ran a blinky red light and hit a pizza person. The pizza person (I could not confidently determine if it was a girl or a boy) was very, very upset that I had jostled his/her pepperonis. 
    Apparently, some of his or her pizza delivering brethren up here in Muncie have gotten wind of my pepperoni jostling. Today, one of them tried to run me over. I was innocently jay-walking (or jay-riding) my bike across the street when a pizza-jerk almost nailed me. Stupid pizza-jerk. I fell off my bike and possibly broke my one non-broken big toe. 
    I broke the other one in an unfortunate stair-falling-down incident earlier this week. Anyway. 
    I think that pizza people everywhere may be out to get me. Perhaps there is a pizza mafia network all over central Indiana...we must act against them quickly lest they spread to (gasp) upper Kentucky! They get to Kentucky...we're all going down. Kentucky Fried Chicken is toast people...TOAST. And without KFC to fry them, chicken populations with soon quadruple. We'll all be buried in chickens. 
   So, I think the pizza mafia presents a significant problem. Maybe. Okay, probably not. 
   But still...my toes both hurt. 


  Danielle Out