Ways to Avoid Studying and Help the Blind

I have a criminology test tomorrow that I should be studying for. Therefore...blog time! 

I really should study thought. Criminology is a class that I never, ever pay attention in. It's not my fault, though. The professor is probably the worst lecturer ever. Seriously. Watching cartoons for an hour would probably be more informative. Or listening to the lecture in German or something, I don't know. I do know that she, my professor, likes to copy things word for word from our book onto powerpoint slides in point 12 font and read them to us. Word for word.

If we were a class full of blind people, then that would be awesome. As it is, we only have one blind person in the class and, while I'm sure he's getting a lot out of it, the rest of us can read those slides faster than she can and with fewer pronunciation errors. 

It's usually cool, though. 

I'm just on pintrest the whole time pinning things to my two wedding boards. Yes, I know I'm perpetually single. It's not weird that I have two wedding boards and no boyfriend to love me. I just want to wear a pretty dress and have a whole day where everyone is required to look at me. 

Shut up. 

Anyway, my latest attempt to learn another language has been foiled. I guess I can add Japanese to the pile of languages I tried and failed to learn. That pile already has Latin, French, Russian, Farsi, Pig Latin, Elvish and Spanish three times. I seriously hate myself for being unable to speak anything but english. And I don't even speak english well. 

I think the language-learning part of my brain had to be discarded to make room for all the awesomeness that I just naturally contain. That or it was broken during the "stroke-like- event" that I had last year. 

That was fun. 

Ugh. My notes from my criminology class are just sitting here, staring at me. Get off my back, criminology notes! I'm busy right now! 

Okay, so other class that I hate is walking. You're probably shaking your head and saying something like, "Walking? Really, Danielle? I knew you were impressively lazy, but are you really going to complain about walking class?" 

You don't even know. 

You don't even know what I'm going through. I never knew that people could walk so fast. It's like...sprint-walking or something. I keep almost tripping over my abnormally large feet. (cool story...I had to buy my new shoes in the men's section. They're a size 11...in mens. That's like a 13 in women's.) 

You'd think that having freak-feet would make walking long distances easier. Lies. They just make you flat-footed so you have to stomp around the place like an arthritic godzilla. Or a heavy-set camel. Or an obese third-grader. Or a fish that spontaneously grew stumpy legs. 

So, yeah. My feet. They're stupid. 

Also, I think that my fitness teacher has decided to make me her "project." Like, if she encourages me enough, I will spontaneously become an expert at fitness walking. I'm sorry, but that is not going to happen. My feet will always be big and stupid and I will always be lazy and unmotivated to do anything but watch netflix and eat pizza. 

Mmmm...pizza. 

Pizza bagel bites are awesome, by the way. Not that it has anything to do with anything...but the fact still stands. Pizza bagels kick ass. 

This blog feels fairly boring. Sorry. I can't accidentally sexually harass boys every week. Somebody might get wise and report me to university PD. 

Ha...like they're real cops of something. Plus, I'm a criminal justice major. We're all on the same team, bros. 

I should go. My criminology notes beckon. 

Day 176 of College: Special Skills and Sportulas

Today...


I have news. I got lemonade from chick-fil-a today...and I didn't even spill it on a hot boy. Huzzah. It's a Wednesday miracle. 


Anyhow. I've decided to become bilingual. The first two attempts didn't go so hot. Once, I tried to learn Latin. I can say the Pledge of Allegiance in Latin. To this day, it remains the only thing I can say in Latin (oh, and sportula which means "small gift basket"). 


My other attempt to become bilingual was with Spanish. I have tried and failed to learn Spanish many times. I've taken Spanish One not once, not twice, but thrice. Thrice times of Spanish! Madness, I know. When you add in the fact that my sister has almost graduated college with a Spanish Education degree, it gets kinda sad. 


Regardless of my many language failures, I've decided to try again! I've decided that I'll either go for German (because that's where my Dad's family is from) or French (because that's where my Mom's family is from) or Russian (because what the hell.) 


I'm leaning towards Russian because they have letters that look not like english letters and because the "what the hell" factor in my life could use some increasing. 


Yeah. 


Moving on to other things, I've noticed recently that I have no special skills. I can't whistle. I can't roll my r's. I can only snap with one hand. My break dancing is only sub-par. My bird calls leave something to be desired. And, as I've previously stated, I only know one language and that language is English. 


Lame. 


I need to develop some special skills. Well, I am rather good at making sandwiches. I'm also good at punching, hitting and biting.  And, let us not overlook my most special of skills, my ability to remain single for nineteen years. 


Yes, I'm not 19 yet, but I'm rounding up. The chances of me getting a boyfriend by this Saturday are about .00000000000000000000000000000000000001, in statistical terms. 


Anyhow, hope you are all having a lovely February even though I am not.  


Danielle OUT. 


P.S. Wanna read about my thoughts on football? I knew you did. Click here.